MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY VALUABLE READERS

DONT HOLD BACK

Dear Girls, Don’t hold back! Whatever talent you have or whatever gift you have, express it and push it out there. Don’t hold it in. There are so many girls out there that are probably not as talented as you. Their skills are not as good as yours. They can’t sing as good as you. They can’t dance like you do. They cant speak like you do. They cant counsel like you do but they are out there expressing and enjoying their entire being. So this morning I gathered my family and told them not to hold back. The kids are like, “What’s mum on?” and I said the same to my husband and I am saying the same to you all. Don’t make any apologies for who you are and what you have.

Don’t hold back! 

ALL SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS IS TO BE ASSERTIVE

In the last few articles I wrote about the aggressive girl and the passive girl. These are both negative character traits that valuable girls should not display. Ideally every girl who knows her value should be assertive and in this article I will show you how.

SHE SPEAKS OPENLY

An assertive girl speaks openly. She does not have any secrets that are dangerous for her well-being. If anything happens that she is not sure of, she will speak up and ask questions. However, she never interrupts others to get her point across, neither is she afraid to say what is on her mind. She is assertive. Temi is an assertive girl. One of her male teachers tried to make a pass at her. She immediately told him to stop it and if he tried again she would report him to the principal. He did not ever try to touch her gain.

USES A CONVERSATIONAL TONE

An assertive girl uses a tone that commands respect. Her voice tone is neither loud nor quiet but when she is in a room she speaks with a tone that demands respect and attention. Jade is that type of girl. She was in a conversation with two other girls in her sports team who were trying to bully her. She stood up and told them she was not taking any nonsense. They did not attempt to bully Jade again.

SHE'S RELAXED AND OPEN

An assertive girl is so relaxed and open. She has nothing to hide. She is not cagey. She speaks when she thinks it is necessary to speak without feeling weary. She participates in group discussions and is not afraid to voice her opinion in a respectful way. When she speaks she keeps to the point and does not dominate the conversation.

SHE VALUES HERSELF

An assertive girl values herself and knows that she is equal to everyone. From as early as she can remember, she was always taught to respect others but to know that she is just as valuable as anyone else, no matter their status or background. She will not compromise on her values just to please others and she always speaks up when the need arises.

REACHES HER GOALS WITHOUT HURTING OTHERS

An assertive girl will reach her goal without hurting or using others to achieve it. She believes in justice and is appalled by bad behaviour. It is not possible to use and abuse an assertive girl because she knows who she is and cannot be manipulated.

BECOME ASSERTIVE

If you are struggling with being assertive, it is possible to achieve it. You just have to believe that you are a worthwhile person who demands respect. You should remind yourself daily that you are valuable. Learn to say NO. You should always stand up for yourself on matters that you are passionate about or are dangerous to your well being. You will be happier when you do so.

Note to parents and guardians

We need to encourage our daughters to be frank and open. We should not tell them to be quiet when they want to express themselves.  We should teach them to always speak up and not to keep secrets. 

You are Valuable Event Coming soon!

ARE YOU PASSIVE? LETS KICK IT OUT TODAY?

We have not been given a spirit of fear but of power and sound mind, yet many girls don’t believe this for themselves. They don’t stand up and they don’t stand out. They are passive.  A valuable girl should never be passive rather she should stand up and be confident. Listed below are the ways a girl shows herself to be passive and what she can do about it.

AFRAID TO SPEAK UP

The biggest challenge for a passive girl is her inability to stand up for herself and her rights. She misses so many opportunities because she does not stand up. Rather she will allow others to get their way and use her.  Shade was one of these girls. In primary school she was very assertive but when she got to secondary school, she met a group of mean girls and became passive. She soon feel victim to their bullying.

SPEAKS QUIETLY OR SOFTLY

A passive girl does not speak loud enough. She has a soft apologetic tone. She speaks in a low voice because she feels that her opinions don’t count. So rather than be heard properly she speaks under her breath. A girl should speak up on matters that count. She should learn to open her mouth and speak with boldness.

SHOWS LITTLE OR NO EXPRESSION

When you are confident and excited it shows on your face and in your body language. You are happy and full of life. A passive girl shows no expression at all. She is neither happy nor sad rather she is expressionless. In my opinion, she is not living a happy life. She is just a passive observer and missing out on so many opportunities.

ISOLATES HERSELF FROM GROUPS

Unfortunately there are a few girls that have such low self esteem that they isolate themselves from everyone. They have very few friends and they dare not join a group just in case others see how inferior they feel. A passive girl fits this bill. She always chooses to be on her own, not because she enjoys her own company, but because she just doesn’t feel good enough. When she is in a group, she will not give her opinion. All she does is agrees with the group.

VALUES SELF LESS THAN OTHERS

A passive doesn’t value herself. She runs around doing things for others. Seeking approval but never takes care of herself. Titi was such a girl. She came from a broken home and witnessed a lot of violence so she grew up, always wanting to please others and not herself. Luckily for her, she found a mentor that really cared about her wellbeing and helped Titi to change her mindset. Titi was taught to see herself as valuable.

So we can see that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even if you are passive. You just have to believe in yourself and believe that you are equally as valuable as the next girl.

If you have traits of being passive, why not start today by stating this “I AM SOMEBODY”. Say it ten times today and every day for 7 days. Say it like you mean it.  And I can guarantee you, by next week you will feel like SOMEBODY because you are SOMEBODY and because your words carry power.

Note to parents and guardians

It is our responsibility to encourage our girls, especially the ones that have a passive trait. There is nothing wrong with having a quiet nature but when a girl cannot speak up for herself then it becomes a challenge. We need to encourage girls to speak up and say what’s on their mind because they are worth it.

ARROGANCE IS NOT PRETTY

My wish is that every girl that reads this article comes to a true appreciation of herself. My hope is that she will be confident and know that she is very valuable. However, I want girls to know the difference between being confident and being arrogant, because there is a very thin line.

Confidence Verses Arrogance

Confidence means you believe in yourself and your abilities. Arrogance means you put on an offensive display of superiority or self importance or an overbearing show of pride. Both confident and arrogant girls appear outwardly confident but there are signs that set an arrogant girl apart.

An arrogant girl has a very superior sense of self. She feels she is better than everyone. She will be very selective with choosing her friends. She only selects the ones that meet her standards. Some girls who are arrogant may choose not to have any friends thinking that they are just far too special. 

Examples of Arrogant Behaviour

Janet was that type of girl. She was an only child and spoiled by her parents so she had a lot of things others girls didn’t have. She would tease girls who came from lower income homes and she did not want to associate with girls who did not appear rich. Unfortunately, something tragic happened in her family which made her realise that no condition is permanent. She changed her ways and stopped being arrogant.

An arrogant girl carries herself in such a way that she believes she is untouchable. She may appear stuck up and not very friendly. If she is complimented rather than say thank you, she will reply, “I know I am pretty”. Temi’s aunty noticed she was developing this bad trait and immediately brought it up with her mother who hadn’t noticed. Temi was immediately sent to an Etiquette training school to learn some good old fashion manners.

An arrogant girl will rarely apologize for doing anything wrong. She has no faults as far as she is concerned. Everybody is wrong and she is always right. Nneka was such a girl. It was her way or the high way. She kept swapping and changing friends because she just would not listen to anybody. She asked her parents to change school but her problems followed her. Nneka was the one that had a problem with her attitude.

Real Reason for Arrogance 

An arrogant person is often the leader of the bullies and they are always demanding attention.

The real reason that some girls act in an arrogant way is to hide their real feelings of inferiority. Sometimes a girl who tries to give the impression that she is too much is hiding some kind of vulnerability that she is suffering from.

Confident girls don’t have to cause unnecessary attention or drama.  They attract attention, simply by who they are. Arrogance, is a form of insecurity. It is not a trait that a valuable girl should seek. A valuable girl should always be confident. 

Note to Parents! It is never too late for us to guide our daughters in the right way, as long as they are under our care. If we guide them early it will save a lot of heartache for when they are older because nobody really likes to be around an arrogant person.

CLIQUES AND WHY TO AVOID THEM

Cliques are groups of friends, but not all groups of friends are cliques. A clique is a group of friends that pick and choose who is in their group and they leave certain people out on purpose.  When you are around others and start to notice that you are no longer yourself or you stop voicing your true opinion then you are probably in a clique.

Every young girl wants to be respected and liked by her peers. Joining a clique may be a way in which a girl seeks approval but being in a clique can be detrimental to her self esteem and self worth because a lot of the time it’s centred on control. You can’t talk to certain people. You can’t wear certain clothes. You may even laugh at jokes that are not funny just to belong. Listed below are reasons why you should avoid cliques.

LOSS OF IDENTITY

When you join a clique there is always a stronger personality or a few others that want to control you and dictate the rules. And because you want to fit in and be accepted, you may find yourself not being authentic. In other words, you are not keeping it real. You won’t speak out. You won’t say what you really mean. You will agree with everything that the clique leader says, just to fit it. Stop it. Be your own person. Find your own voice and have your own identity.

LOSS OF SELF RESPECT

When you join a clique because you have given all your powers away, you may lose your self respect. You lose respect when you are no longer yourself and you become a puppet. You may also lose respect when you try and voice something that is important to you and you get shut down. Stop it today. Get your respect back by knowing that you are just as important as the next person and you deserve to be heard.

YOU DON’T SPEAK UP

This is the worst part about being in a clique. You don’t speak up. Even on matters that are important to you. Jackie was in a clique and a friend of hers was being teased by the other members. Jackie said nothing but felt bad for her friend. Instead of standing up to the clique bullies, she allowed them to make fun of her friend. She later called her friend outside of the group to ask if she was ok rather than standing up to the group. Jackie has no control of her life. Is this how you want to be? I don’t think so.

YOU RESTRICT YOURSELF

If you belong to a clique you will find that you avoid making other friends. You may even become obsessed with the clique to the point of doing negative things that you normally would not do. Then when you leave the clique you will have to go through a painful journey of regaining your own identity and making new genuine friends.

Groups can be a great way of finding others who share common interest. Groups build each other up. I do encourage young girls to join groups but leave the cliques for those who do not have a strong self worth. You are valuable.

Note To Parents and Guardians: 

Let's teach girls to value and respect themselves. Let them know that they don’t need the approval of others. Teach them to have a wide network of friends, so that they don’t rely on one group. Remind them that being in a clique will lead to a miserable life of approval and conforming. Every girl should stand up for herself and know she is valuable.

FEEL THE FEAR AND BE CONFIDENT ANYWAY

It is my wish that every girl will become more confident in herself. A confident girl is comfortable with who she is and is unafraid of how others may perceive her. The tools below will help improve a girl’s confidence.

Face Your Fears

Everyone has fears but fears should not stop a girl from stepping out and doing what she wants to do. There is a saying, “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. Most fears are just our imagination playing tricks on us. You will be surprised at what you can do when you step out and face your fears. Ada faced her fears. She was scared of singing in public, even though she had a great voice. Then one day she faced her fears and sang in her school concert. She blew the crowd away and actually enjoyed being on stage. Now she sings professionally. Can you imagine how miserable Ada would have been if she had not faced her fears? She would have also missed opportunities that will move her forward in life.

Know What Is Important

At some point in your life you have to know what is important and what is not. Too many girls focus on day to day drama. When you go through life knowing what you want to achieve, it will make you become more focused and more confident. Keno was sick of the drama. She was just having one problem after the other with a group of friends. So she decided to take a break away and focus on her studies because she was in her final year of university. Thankfully for her she came out with 2^nd class honours.

Prepare For Success

Failing to plan is planning to fail and the same can be said for preparation. If you have a task to do then just do it. When you have prepared and done your best then you can relax and wait for the fruit of your labour. Emua knew about this. She had been preparing for a while to get into an Engineering firm. She sent off her CV to several firms and practiced her interviews techniques with a mentor. She suddenly got a line up of interviews and was offered a job at the company of her choice. You can imagine how this helped her confidence. She knew hence forth that if she put her mind towards anything and preparing, she could achieve great success.

Mistakes Dont Kill

Don’t take mistakes as failures and don’t allow them to knock your confidence. See them as lessons learned. When you learn the lessons, note it in your memory so that you don’t make the same mistake again. And even if you do it is not the end of the world. Bisola made of few mistakes with her career. First she wanted to study medicine, then half way through she changed her mind to study nursing but then she finally decided to study psychology. She did make a few mistakes of chopping and changing courses but it was not the end of the world. She finished with psychology and is training to be a life coach.

A GIRL CALLED VALUABLE

Once upon a time there lived a girl called Valuable. She lived in a two bedroom house in the rural part of town with her parents and two sisters. It did not matter that she shared a bedroom with her sisters, she knew she was valuable. 

Before she went to school she brushed her hair, cleaned her teeth and made sure that her uniform looked clean and ironed. Valuable’s parents’ did not have much money but she did not mind because she knew the most important things in life were free.

Valuable did not stress her parents out for all the latest items that her friends had, because Valuable had learnt to be grateful for what she had.

School was not a problem for Valuable. She did very well. She spoke up in class but if she didn’t understand a question she was bold enough to ask for help. She surrounded herself with friends that loved and appreciated her. There were no issues with bullying because Valuable stood up for herself. Valuable did not seek or need validation from her friends because she knew she was valuable.

Sometimes during break she chose to be on her own and walked around the school by herself appreciating nature.

She cultivated such an inner strength of confidence and was not easily swayed by what others thought about her. Valuable was a pretty girl but she didn’t let that get to her head, because she knew that what is in the inside, is what mattered.

So what made Valuable feel so valuable? She said “ I didn’t always feel like this. I used to doubt myself until one day I started believing in myself and my own worth. I know I am as valuable as anyone else. I know who I am and who’s I am so I just decided to be the best me possible and to thank God for making me, me.”

THE END

Authenticity and the Girl Child

As a girl grows older she will hear the word authenticity.  In a nutshell, it means the qualities of being genuine or true to oneself. It may come from her mum, her dad, her aunty, her teacher and even her friends. They will say, “Be authentic”. “Be real and Be yourself”. The truth is, many older girls struggle to be authentic.  Hopefully the tips that I share will stop girls from falling into the trap of being fake.

Don’t Lie To Yourself

The worst habit a young girl can do is lie to herself. Once you start lying it becomes a habit. The lie becomes real because the more you keep lying the more you start believing it. There is nothing worth lying about anyway because sooner or later the truth will be revealed.

Don’t Lie To Others

Never make up stories about your identity and where you are from or other fake stories.  People’s memories are very sharp and when you start lying you will be caught out. I remember a young girl in one of my clubs who made up fantastic stories about all her travels. She was only 8. I knew she was lying and wondered why at 8 years old she was trying to impress others with such false stories.

Accept Yourself

As a girl becomes older she will become more self aware. She will know her strengths and her weaknesses. As she becomes stronger in confidence she will focus more on her strengths. She will not cover up who is or pretend to be somebody that she is not. That is the ideal. Unfortunately many grown up girls struggle to be real. They pretend to be what they are not. They wear a mask hoping that no one will notice the imposter.

Don’t Be Proud

An authentic girl doesn’t care about her ego. There are no signs of pride whatsoever.  What you see is transparency.  She doesn’t care if you can read her because she has got nothing to hide.  Even authentic people fall short every now and then because they are human. It is better to work on being true to oneself than being fake. A truly authentic girl is confident and free to be herself. What you see is what you get.

Spot a Fake

Let me tell a little secret to girls who read my blog. When you are being fake everybody notices. Most will just not say it to your face, so what’s the point?  I want girls to realise early that nobody is perfect. It is ok to have flaws. Just dont magnify them, be yourself. It must take a lot of work to be fake unless you are a seasoned actress but even then, is it really worth it?

To the girl child growing up in a society where there is so much pretense, I would say be your authentic self. The added bonus is that it is healthier.  

ARE YOU A QUEEN BEE?

QUEEN BEE

She is always the centre of attention. If the focus is not on her she becomes so insecure. She sulks when she doesn’t get her way and can even go to extremes to seek revenge. She has a bunch of YES friends that do everything she says.  The Queen Bee has not learnt the art of treating others the way she would like to be treated because she is too focused on herself. It may take her a while to learn new habits of thinking more about others but she can learn them and then she maybe truly worthy of the throne.

WANNA BEE

She wants to be anything but herself.  She is a people pleaser to a fault and wants to be liked. She lacks assertiveness and she struggles to say NO. She needs to step back and get to know herself more and try not to be too concerned with what others think. She has to realise that you can’t please everyone and she does not need to please everyone.

TRUE BEE

And the winner is True Bee. Her other name is Free Bee. She is on the road to finding herself and really just wants to be happy. She doesn’t bother too much about other people’s opinion because she knows who she is. She has empathy and is always available for her friends. A True Bee can be a role model to those who don’t think enough of themselves and to those who may think too highly of themselves.

ADVISE FROM OLDER ME TO YOUNGER ME

1. Accept yourself
2. Don’t be a people pleaser
3. Stand up for yourself
4. Master your gifts
5. Speak up
6. Don’t own other people’s issues
7. Don’t take in the negative things other say about you. It always comes from a place of jealously and insecurity
8. Don’t compromise your values
9. Say "No" when you want to
10. Don’t allow anyone to control or manipulate you
11. Other people's opinions are not facts
12. Be grateful
13. Be thankful
14. Be yourself
15. Do your best
16. Be your best
17. Be humble
18. Feel the fear and do it anyway
19. Don’t let an opportunity pass you by
20. Your confidence comes from God - stay close to HIM

BELIEVE YOU ARE VALUABLE

Every belief we know, has been taught, either through something we learned or heard. Believing in oneself is one of secrets of being confident and feeling valuable. It doesn’t matter what anyone has told you about yourself, you have to believe in yourself. The following tips will help.

WATCH YOUR WORDS

Girls have to be careful about what they say about themselves. Some girls believe that are not bright enough, not good enough, not intelligent enough, not pretty enough and they say this out loud. The more you speak negative words, then the more you will believe it. So watch your words and don’t say anything bad about yourself.

BELIEVE GOOD THINGS

Believe that good things will happen to you. Be expectant and look forward to tomorrow because where there is life, there is hope. Believe that you can do anything you set your mind to do. Believe that you can get that A grade that you are looking for. Believe that you can get into the school of your choice and believe that you are just as good as the next person.

HAVE A JOURNAL

Write down what you are believing for. Look at your goals daily, so that they become your reality. Maybe you want to get into that science group in your school. Or maybe you want to represent your school in a debating contest. You have to believe you will get in first before it can become your reality.

BELIEVE FOR BIG THINGS

Believe and stretch your goals for bigger things. There is nothing impossible to those who believe. Believe on things that seem impossible and watch your dreams unfold. As we know, the Williams sisters are international tennis players but even as they were growing up they believed that one day they would win. They were in it to win it from the start of their careers.  As we can see their results speak for themselves. They believed.

BELIEVE FOR A BETTER TOMORROW

Finally girls, fix your eyes on the good things about yourself and also believe that no matter how today went, tomorrow will be better.  

Note for parents & teachers

Adults have a lot to play in a girl’s belief system.  If we don’t believe in our girls, then its more difficult for them to believe in themselves. As much as possible refrain from saying negatives things to girls. Don’t say things like, “You will never be able to get into that school”.’”You will never be like your sister or brother” “You can never pass that exam". Rather speak encouraging words that help girls feel better about themselves. Say something like this, "Believe you can do it  RiRi, believe it". 

Then watch her FLY!

TIPS TO AVOID PEER PRESSURE

EFFECTS OF HIGH SELF ESTEEM ON A GIRL

It is important that girls learn to develop high self esteem which is not necessarily about being an extrovert but more to do with inner belief and how she values herself. Below are a few characteristics that you can spot in a girl with high self esteem.

NOT SHY

She is definitely not shy or timid. She may not be the life and soul of the party either but she likes to meet new people and will go out of her way to introduce herself and say her name. Because she doesn’t worry about how others judge her, if she tries to make a friend but someone is not interested she will see it as their loss and quickly move on.

EXPRESSES HERSELF

A girl with high self esteem is comfortable expressing herself. She is a great communicator. You will know exactly where you stand with her as a friend. She is not cagey or afraid to express how she feels.  She doesn’t build a wall around herself. She is not afraid of her emotions because she knows who is. She is not afraid to be vulnerable, when she wants to, because she sees that as strength.

ADVENTUROUS

She always seeks new experiences. She lives an enriched life. She is adventurous and is not afraid to try out new things. She doesn’t care what others think about her adventures and doesn’t wait to get approval. She goes for what she wants.

FUN GIRL

A girl with high esteem is fun and nice to be around. She respects others and respects herself. You will rarely hear her gossiping about others because her life is filled with activities and she has a lot of interests.

A LEADER

She is probably a leader either a class prefect or head girl. If she belongs to a club she is probably a committee member. She always wants to be involved in activities where she can lead.  She is not bossy though and doesn’t make others feel bad. Whether in school or at Sunday school, she always volunteers herself to lead. She is a magnet to new opportunities.

LESS DOWN DAYS

A girl with high self esteem has less down days because she is an optimist. She chooses to look on the bright side of life.  She will probably have less mental and health issues as an adult because she has learnt to voice things out when she needs to.

A girl with high self esteem has an ‘I can do’ attitude and above all values herself.

Is that girl you?

TIPS ON CONFIDENCE

These are tips I share with girls at my workshops and summer camps. People feel free to

share them with your daughters, god daughters, nieces, cousins or even yourself.  Remember practice makes perfect

•        Look good: This goes without saying but it doesn’t mean you should spend all day looking at yourself in the mirror but it does mean that you should make an effort to look after yourself. Groom yourself, brush your teeth properly, smell fresh and tidy your hair. These are the basics.

•        Smile it’s contagious: Smiling attracts more people to you and makes you more approachable. I am convinced that people that smile get more favours than people who don’t. cynical 

•        Positive self talk: Avoid negative talk, don’t say I cant rather say I can, I will, I am – say ‘I AM SOMEBODY’

•        Maintain good friendships: Everyone feels better when they surround themselves with people who make them feel good. Don’t punish yourself and be around anyone who doesn’t value you or is mean to you

•        Know your strengths and weaknesses but focus on your strengths. Develop your strengths. If you are good at singing why not use that gift and join the choir. If you are good at styling hair why not try it out on your friends.

•        Do things you enjoy often like dancing, singing, cooking. Nowadays children including my own spend too much time on gadgets during the holidays. Draw or make cakes or waffles. Do something different rather spend all day on an iphone or PS3.

•        Be grateful: Whenever you are feeling down, list all the things you are grateful for. It will help you feel more appreciative of your life. There are lots of young people through no fault of their own, that don’t have some of the things you have.

•        Give back: Think of ways to bless others. Summer holidays is a good time to spring clean your room and find all the things including nice clothes and gadgets and give them out to others, less fortunate.

•        Speak up and be noticed: Your opinions matter. Say what’s on your mind and say it fast but always be respectful

•        Challenge yourself: What can you do this summer that would be a victory for you at the end of the holidays? Write short stories. Make a video. Do something.

•        Celebrate victories: There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a pat on the back when you have worked hard. I just concluded a wedding and I worked really hard. The event was a success and the client was satisfied. I am celebrating my victory by taking a break and treating myself to a body massage.

•        Act Confident: How does a confident person act?  A confident person acts like they matter. They make no apologies for existing. They walk tall with their head up and they smile. If you are still feeling hesitant fake it till you make it – Just act it. It will come naturally if you keep practising the above tips

•        Know where your true confidence comes – God. And know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are unique. There is no duplicate of you. Just you, so accept and enjoy yourself. You really matter.

•        Dance like no one is watching.

VALUABLE AFFIRMATIONS FOR GIRLS

SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND

Ask any woman that appreciates the finer things in life and she will tell you that diamonds are a girl’s best friend. They are valuable, rather expensive and you just do not see them everywhere. Diamonds and a girl who values herself have a lot in common and I will tell you why below.

A girl is rare like a diamond

If you are looking for diamonds, you won’t see them on the shop floor. They will be kept behind the counter, in a precious box. They won’t be displayed on a clearance shelf and they definitely will not be on sale. Diamonds are rare. The same can be said for a girl who values herself. She is just not available for anyone to mess her about. She knows she is rare and should be treated with highest respect.

A Girl Shines Brightly

A diamond shines very brightly. It makes no apologies for existing. This is also true for a girl who knows she is valuable. She makes no apologies for who she is. She believes in herself and she shines so brightly.

A Girl Like a Diamond Knows Her Worth

Yes a diamond knows its worth. A girl who knows she is valuable, knows her worth too. A girl is worth far more, than diamonds, rubies or gold. A girl should know that her worth is immeasurable because she is a child of the Most High. She should never compromise her worth.

A Girl Like A Diamond, Lights Up A Room

When you spot a diamond you can see it lights and sparkles. That is how a girl should feel when she enters a room. She should smile, lift her head high, own her own space and then she will definitely command the respect of others.

A Girl Like A Diamond, Never Drops In Value

The value of diamonds rarely drops. A girls value should never drop. She should know and appreciate how valuable she is. She should not cheapen herself by doing things that she knows is wrong. She should know and believe that no matter the seasons and changes in her life she will always remain valuable.

So I challenge any girl that is reading this blog to "Shine like a Diamond" because you are truly, truly valuable.

7 DEADLY SINS GIRLS CAN OVERCOME

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

We are bombarded with images of perfection. Young girls are being pressurized to look perfect and to be perfect. Some young girls are resorting to dieting, as early as 8 year's old. The extreme end of body obsession is anorexia or bulimia which can both lead to death. May that never be the portion for our girls. In a world that is obsessed with beauty, how can parents or guardians help girls to take their focus off from obsession with outward appearance? 

Here are some tips

Don’t over praise on looks

There are so many things that make up for a human being aside from how they look. A girl may have so many talents. She may be good at maths, sports, art and history but if all we do is keep focusing on how good looking our daughters are, then we are only setting them up for insecurities and jealousy in the future. A girl that is over praised on her looks as a child, usually turns out to be an adult that is very shallow and full of herself. She may also turn out with a lack of empathy towards others.

Don’t compare girls

We have to be careful not to compare girls. Don’t compare beauty against beauty. It really creates insecurity and fierce unhealthy competition. I cringe when I hear mothers say to their daughters “ Agnes is finer than Stella”. “Kehinde has longer legs than Taiyo”. In my opinion there is absolutely no benefit in doing that to them. Sometimes, we cant control what others say about our girls but we can control what we say.

Don’t focus on your own insecurities

Mothers are usually guilty of this and if this is you please stop it today.  “Oh I’m fat or I need to lose weight”.  “I feel ugly today”.  Sometimes we say this in front of our daughters. Children especially girls often imitate their mothers including our flaws, so as much as possible we need to think before we make big announcements about our insecurities. Yes we all have something that we may not be happy about but we don’t need to sing about it every day. We should take responsibilities and change the things we can change.

Don’t make fun of your daughter

Stick and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me is so wrong.  We live in world where girls need to be tough, yes , but that doesn’t mean we should call them names to make them tougher. A word of caution about the effects of name calling, it may not be apparent in a girl’s early years, but it will definitely affect her self esteem as an adult.

Keep negative relatives at bay

We cant control relatives that are tactless. Some would argue that it is just them, being honest and speaking their mind.  Some Aunty may say “Chai this your daughter is so thin”.  “Ehen! That nose came from your husband’s family not our family”. It is up to parents and guardians to protect girls from the onslaughts of such comments. Just tell the relative, diplomatically, that you do not appreciate such remarks about your daughter and to please stop.

So what do we tell our girls about the Mirror on the wall? We should say “Daughter, you don’t have to be the fairest of them all but you are equally as great as anyone other person”.