MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

We are bombarded with images of perfection. Young girls are being pressurized to look perfect and to be perfect. Some young girls are resorting to dieting, as early as 8 year's old. The extreme end of body obsession is anorexia or bulimia which can both lead to death. May that never be the portion for our girls. In a world that is obsessed with beauty, how can parents or guardians help girls to take their focus off from obsession with outward appearance? 

Here are some tips

Don’t over praise on looks

There are so many things that make up for a human being aside from how they look. A girl may have so many talents. She may be good at maths, sports, art and history but if all we do is keep focusing on how good looking our daughters are, then we are only setting them up for insecurities and jealousy in the future. A girl that is over praised on her looks as a child, usually turns out to be an adult that is very shallow and full of herself. She may also turn out with a lack of empathy towards others.

Don’t compare girls

We have to be careful not to compare girls. Don’t compare beauty against beauty. It really creates insecurity and fierce unhealthy competition. I cringe when I hear mothers say to their daughters “ Agnes is finer than Stella”. “Kehinde has longer legs than Taiyo”. In my opinion there is absolutely no benefit in doing that to them. Sometimes, we cant control what others say about our girls but we can control what we say.

Don’t focus on your own insecurities

Mothers are usually guilty of this and if this is you please stop it today.  “Oh I’m fat or I need to lose weight”.  “I feel ugly today”.  Sometimes we say this in front of our daughters. Children especially girls often imitate their mothers including our flaws, so as much as possible we need to think before we make big announcements about our insecurities. Yes we all have something that we may not be happy about but we don’t need to sing about it every day. We should take responsibilities and change the things we can change.

Don’t make fun of your daughter

Stick and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me is so wrong.  We live in world where girls need to be tough, yes , but that doesn’t mean we should call them names to make them tougher. A word of caution about the effects of name calling, it may not be apparent in a girl’s early years, but it will definitely affect her self esteem as an adult.

Keep negative relatives at bay

We cant control relatives that are tactless. Some would argue that it is just them, being honest and speaking their mind.  Some Aunty may say “Chai this your daughter is so thin”.  “Ehen! That nose came from your husband’s family not our family”. It is up to parents and guardians to protect girls from the onslaughts of such comments. Just tell the relative, diplomatically, that you do not appreciate such remarks about your daughter and to please stop.

So what do we tell our girls about the Mirror on the wall? We should say “Daughter, you don’t have to be the fairest of them all but you are equally as great as anyone other person”.