WHAT IMPRESSES YOU?

Recently I gave a talk to teens girls in Lagos titled ‘’ All that Glitters in not Gold’’ and would like to share some of my thoughts, to you my readers. I talked about impressions and things that should and shouldnt impress us. 

See my list below

Don’t Be Impressed By Good Looks

There is usually a general assumption that if a person is good looking, then they are a good person, right? Wrong! There are good looking people that have terrible characters and are very mean. It is important to get to know people properly before jumping into friendships. Good looking doesn’t necessarily add up to a good person.

Don’t Be Impressed By Money

The love of money is the root of evil. This is the truth. The moment we start to love money, we may start compromising on our values. Don’t strive for money. Strive for success and the money they say, will follow.

Don’t Be Impressed by Material Possession such as cars, houses, designer bags, shoes, hair, phones. They only create short term happiness. The more we crave, the less we are satisfied. How many clothes can really make us happy? Be deeper than your material possessions. They don’t make you a better person.

Don’t Be Impressed By Followers

People that follow us on social media are not real friends so don’t get impressed if someone has 1000 followers and you don’t. Maybe the person is sharing something worth value to the audience but it doesn’t make them better than you. Be unique don’t get depressed if you don’t have followers. Just be yourself.

Don’t Be Impressed By Gifts

There is nothing like a free lunch. If you receive gifts constantly from one person when it’s not your birthday or an occasion to celebrate, then watch out. If you feel uncomfortable, kindly return to sender before you end up compromising your values.

Don’t Be Impressed By Pride

Pride comes before a fall and its one of the thing’s the Lord detests. Don’t be impressed by a girl that shows pride. It’s a bad personality trait and one that can take a life time to cure, if at all.

So what should we be impressed by?

Be Impressed By Humility

A humble girl is down to earth and open. She is not selfish and is always looking for ways to help others. She is kind and loving and if she does something to offend others, she is quick to say sorry. 

Be Impressed By Generosity

A generous girl thinks about others. She is a giver and will always receive a good reward for her good heart. It’s a biblical principle. Caution! Don’t give to receive though. Give because you genuinely want to help others.

Be Impressed By A Girl Who Fears God

A girl that fears God will always know her human limitations. She knows that her life depends on HIM and not herself. She knows that God is watching her and therefore lives with a conscious. This is a girl to be impressed by.

Be Impressed By A Girl With Purpose

This is a girl who knows herself. She has strong self-awareness. She knows her strengths and her weaknesses. She seeks to improve what she can about herself and purses things in life that strengthen her natural gifts. She knows why she was born and spends her life doing those things that she was purposed to do.

Be Impressed By A Girl Who Work’s Hard

A girl that works hard will receive great success. She will be sought after by the best and not ordinary folk. All that she does is excellent. The rewards of her hard work are evident. She does her best in her areas of strength. She is a class act.

Be Impressed By A Girl Who Loves To Read

A girl who reads is a leader. She is probably a prefect in school. Once she leaves school and starts work, she will be promoted rapidly because she is smart and sharp. A girl who reads has good communication skills and can express herself very well.

And Finally Be Impressed By A Girl Who Has Inner Confidence. She knows her value.  She doesn’t need to tell the world how good she is because inside she knows who she is. She respects herself and is also respected by others. A girl with strong inner confidence is just herself and accepts who she is. There is no fronting, forming or pretense.

So that's my list, what impresses you? Please share your thoughts below…

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

GIRL ADVICE 101 FROM RCG ON FACEBOOK... PART TWO

Raising Confident Girls is a growing movement by mums, aunties, grandmas, god mothers or any woman who wants to raise confident girls. Our aim is to engage our members to find solutions to the growing problems of Raising Confident Girls in the 21^st century. Today we have over 9000 members in the group and we discuss every topic imaginable for girls.

This is Part 2 of a question we asked earlier in the year “What advice do you want to give young girls?” and the response was overwhelming.

If you are a young girl, please take your time to read the advice below, given by several women in this group across the globe, as I believe it will help YOU.

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Life is never a rush. Always try to focus on only the good and the positive, and whenever in doubt, don't be scared to talk to someone, sharing our thoughts, pains and doubts is very uplifting.

Enjoy your childhood, darling. You will be an adult for far too long.

There is time for everything. Concentrate on your studies for now.

Seek first the kingdom of God and everything good WILL come your way.

Avoid distractions maximise your precious time ,pls.

Try and discover the special gift God deposited in you and live it by doing what you are most passionate about, do not let anyone tell you that you cannot achieve your dreams...you are your only competitor!!

Never cut yourself the short end of the slack. Everybody is a variable you my dear are the only constant

Be sure of who you are and have some respect and dignity for yourself

Impossibility only exist in the dictionary.....FOCUS is the key word.

Education is very important. Take your academics serious, be smart and intelligent. Let your beauty go with your brains and don't be afraid to show people how smart you are. God bless darling.

My dear, get up and fire on. The world is waiting for your great YOU.

Be yourself, Its your race, so run at your own pace

Don't joke with God

Be focused .Love God, love yourself and others. There is time for everything.

Be dedicated to God. Be focus and position yourself to achieve your goal on earth

Fear God!

Don't ever lose focus

Don't throw away something that you will later regret in life

When you have to start compromising yourself or your morals for the people around you, it's probably time to change the people around you

Be yourself, darling. Always.

Try and travel round the world

Friendship is not by force but by choice. Make sure you don't waste your precious time with anyone who does not value you. Look for a 'watch word' for yourself in the bible. It helps make you focus and secured.

Be true to yourself and to God!

Hold on to God

Put your trust in God

Put God first in all u do and be itself.

Be yourself and have faith

Never give up on you dreams.

Even people you love will hurt you... Forgive easily, keep your heart light and be wise in dealing with people

Be strong and trust in God

The sky is bright' shinning for you.

Never stand on the way to people’s success, then shall you have good success.

Be focused and determined, Above all put your trust in God

Never give people the cause to look down on u. Believe in yourself and be the best you can...because with God, all things are possible.

In everything....be G.O.D- God, Original, Determined

You can be all you want to be if you learn to put ALL your confidence in your creator. Be patient to wait on Him for the actualization of your dreams, when the need arises? Always BE YOURSELF and mingle with like minds.

Stay focused by grabbing God

May your creed in life be to please God and receive God's love, and the love of a man that loves God, he will do good by you. About people around learn to respect everyone and guard your heart, let the Holy Spirit be your best friend. Let him teach you all things. You will be okay. God is watching over you.

Say, Thank you Lord!

Stay in school and with God

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. When not sure, ask questions. Alternatively the Bible is your guide, read it, understand it and practice what is in it.

Love God, Love your neighbour as yourself, love yourself and aim to be the best u can be

I say to my children to ask themselves this question at all times: If my Mum walked in on me, will I be proud of what I'm doing at that moment?

And some shared quotes....

VALUABLE YOU COMES TO VGC

Majestically Rare has teamed up with VGC Club  to provide a world class Christmas blast camp for boys and girls age 9 -14. Valuable YOU Christmas blast is designed to equip boys and girls with tools that will help them stand out anywhere in the world. The program has been well thought out to give your children an experience they will never forget.

ACTIVITIES WILL INCLUDE:
Essential Leadership Skills, Confidence Building, Communication in Action, Global Etiquette, Tug of War, Outdoor Sport Games

HOST: Rita Okoye aka RiRi is the CEO of Majestically Rare Limited, a marketing consulting firm based in Lagos. Rita is the founder of a movement called Raising Confident Girls

Guest speakers will also being sharing life lessons and knowledge to the children

DATES IN DECEMBER are Mondays to Wednesdays from: 21, 22, 23

TIME : 10am – 1pm

VENUE: 

VGC Club, Road 22a, VGC Lagos.

Flat FEE: 

N10,000 for the entire experience. Spaces are limited.

Click here to register

Majestically Rare has teamed up with VGC Club  to provide a world class Christmas blast camp for boys and girls age 9 -14. Valuable YOU Christmas blast is designed to equip boys and girls with tools that will help them value themselves as treasure and present themselves effectively anywhere in the world. The program has been well thought out to give your children an experience they will never forget.

ACTIVITIES WILL INCLUDE:
Essential Leadership Skills, Confidence Building, Communication in Action, Global Etiquette, Tug of War, Outdoor Sport Games

HOST: Rita Okoye aka RiRi is the CEO of Majestically Rare Limited, a marketing consulting firm based in Lagos. Rita is the founder of a movement called Raising Confident Girls

Guest speakers will also being sharing life lessons and knowledge to the children

DATES IN DECEMBER are Mondays to Wednesdays from: 21, 22, 23

TIME : 10am – 1pm

VENUE: 

VGC Club, Road 22a, VGC Lagos.

Flat FEE: 

N10,000 for the entire experience. Spaces are limited.

Click here to register

http://majesticallyrare.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Booking-Form-for-Valuable-YOU-Camp.docx

or pick up Registration form at VGC Club

ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD - EVENT

VALUE YOUR SHADE

A lot of dark girls struggle with accepting their natural shade because light skin is often considered more pretty. Young dark girls that have these struggles may be tempted to bleach their skin color when they are older. I don’t advise that because apart from the health risks, nothing beats loving yourself. You have to love everything about yourself and see your dark skin as a blessing.

See what Kelly Rowland had to say about struggling with being dark skin when she was younger.

''I remember I went through a period where I didn't embrace my 'chocolatiness.' I don't know if that's a word, but I didn't embrace my chocolate lifestyle. Just being a chocolate, lovely brown-skin girl and being proud of that''.

I remember Tina Knowles, Bey mom and I, I remember being out in the sun and I was trying to shield myself from the sun and she said, 'Are you crazy?' She said ' You are absolutely gorgeous,' and she just told me how beautiful I was and how rare chocolate is and how gorgeous the skin is, all of this stuff. And I was just like 'Yeah!' Like a light went off. So between her and my mother and then me sitting out in the sun a little more, just to be a little more chocolate. You just embrace it. You embrace everything that you are as a woman, even your flaws too. '' 

MAKE SURE HE LOVES YOU MORE

I was watching a recent interview of Rihanna on Oprah. She mentioned that her grandma had passed away (RIP) but one of the advises her grandma gave her was to marry a man who loves her more and really dotes on her. As they say in Naija (I go die love). Her grandma said that women are naturally more nurturing and caring and if you find a man who has those natural characteristics then you will enjoy your marriage more.

I agree with Rihanna’s grandmother. I want my daughter to marry a God fearing man, who loves her to bits, just like her daddy loves me. If she finds such a man, she will not find it difficult to submit and she will have a peaceful marriage. 

Jacqueline Ali, the founder of Women Empowering Women reminded me that the bible says that men should love their wives as Christ loves the church. No where did it instruct women to love their husbands. We were instructed to submit to them. However when a man loves God first, he will love himself and lay down his life for his wife.

I know some women are strong on doing everything for the man,  paying for everything and treating him like a helpless child.  I say kudos to you but I am old fashioned, so if my daughter’s future husband wants to lead, then he should go ahead, because he is the head of the home. She should just make sure she caters to him and serves him because most men like service as a love language. I would also advise her to never neglect her career and have something that gives her purpose.

I was told by several women including my mom on my hen night over 16 years ago, to start as you mean to finish. They warned me to not be a super woman and I took note. ''Otherwise'' they said, ''You will be the one running up and down trying to keep your home, while your husband is relaxing. And you will age faster than him''.

In the long run, everything can be found in God's Word. He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Not someone to abuse and mistreat. He who loves his wife, loves himself.  

We as mothers and fathers with boys, have a responsibility to raise responsible sons, who will have uttermost respect for their wives, so that indeed they can love their wives as Christ loves the church. So help us God.  

20 THINGS CONFIDENT GIRLS NEVER DO...

Here are 20 things confidence girls never do (Inspired by live bold and bloom)

1. Lie to themselves

2. Avoid speaking up

3. Let failure hold them back

4. Please others to win approval

5. Over focus on appearance

6. Have poor body language

7. Put others down to feel good

8. Try to hide their mistakes

9. Settle for mediocre

10.           Avoid connecting with others

11.           Resist learning new things

12.           Focus more on their weakness than strengths

13.           Compromise their values

14.           Avoid seeking help when they need it

15.           Ignore their own judgment

16.           Neglect their own skills

17.           Try to change their personalities

18.           Over complicate their lives

19.           Look to others to fulfill them

20.           Assume they are done improving their confidence

MY HAND BAG DRAMA - LIFE LESSONS

So the other day I was so excited when I arrived at Southgate station enroute to my dad's house. It brought back so many fond memories of raising our children there. I formed a lot of deep relationships in Southgate with great memories. As we got out of the station and waited for my brother inlaw to pick us up, I started to film the area with my phone. A Jehovah witness was nearby and saw me and said 'You have a nice smile' and I said " Thank you" but continued filming because I wasnt interested in what he had to say. 

He went back to his spot. My brother inlaw soon arrived and we excitedly made our way to his car. I asked my daughter if she wanted to put her bag in the boot and she said "no thanks" she will carry it. So we made our way to my dad's house who lives about 40 minutes away. Got to my dads house brought everything out of the car but noticed my bag wasnt there. Immediately I realised that my bag with all my cash and shopping money was left on the bench that I had been sitting on outside Southgate station. I forgot it. You can imagine my thoughts. My holiday was over. I was in panic. I couldnt think. I screamed. I cried. I said, "I am in London but why does this feel like a Naija movie?

My brother inlaw decided to go back to the spot and see if the bag was there. I wasnt hopeful at all. Hmmmm a designer bag with lots of money in it. No way. He left and went.

I phoned my best friend Ngozi, who told me to trust God and pray and that I should call her when I find my bag. In that whole process I was confused and wondered how on the earth I could have done a such a thing. I mean a bag is something that is attached to a woman's hip. I began to pray and pray and pray. I kept ringing my inlaw but at one stage he stopped answering his phone. I waited for over an hour to get a response.

That guy that saw me at the station saw the bag and tried to hand it in at the station. They wouldnt take it because they said it was found outside the station. His name is Michael. He looked in my bag and saw my business card which had my UK address and began to make his way to my former business address but I wasnt there. To cut a long story short, another Jehovah witness escorted my brother inlaw to Micheal's house and he gave him back my bag and not a penny was missing. My drama ended and I was able to enjoy the rest of the day with my family. I found Michael recently and really thanked him for returning the missing bag.

There are still some really good people in this world and prayer really works. To God be the glory.

Life lessons

·       Dont write people off. They may be your guardian angels

·       Be careful with your belongings especially when carrying a lot of cash 

·       Pray at all times and trust God

·       Always appreciate others

·       Have integrity especially when no one is looking 

REFUSE TO BE A VICTIM

A message for my readers! Take 100% responsibility for your actions and you will cease to be a victim. You will gain stronger confidence and freedom. Ultimately you will know that the choices you make are yours. You will avoid blaming others but rather see mistakes as lessons learned.

GET OFF CLEARANCE RACK

Hi Girls, I saw this and thought to share with you because you are very valuable. 

''We allow people to treat us at the level that we think we're worth. If you don't think much of yourself, you'll likely accept sub-par treatment. Raise your asking price. Raise your standards. Don't sit in the broken-isle. Don't accept the lie that you're damaged goods. Learn to embrace your imperfections and see the truth of who you are. YOU deserve to be honored, respected, valued and cherished by yourself and others. YOU name your own price. YOU control what you put up with. You cheapen yourself every time you allow another person to discount you. Get off the clearance rack!!!'' J Ryan

WORDS DO HURT

I remember a season when someone close said something that cut me deeply. I tried to pretend that it didnt hurt because I recalled the poem which says ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’. Who was I kidding? It nearly broke me.

It's all in the past now and these days, with a group of women, I am passionate about raising confident girls and giving them tools to face the bullies, stand up for themselves and be confident in who they are.

Here are some points to note

Be careful what you say to others and only say what is beneficial. Not every thought has to come out of your mouth. You can hold back.

It takes years to build a relationship but a split second to destroy it by what you say to others.

If you have said something hurtful apologize and really mean it.

People will forget what you said, people what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel. (Maya Angelou)

INTERNATIONAL DAY OF THE GIRL

On this International day of the girl child, I would like to remind girls that they are valuable. The nuggets below are a reminder on how to find your value.

Recognize Your Value

How can you know your value if you don’t recognize that you are valuable? That is the question. In order to feel valuable you have to recognize who you are. As a Christian, I recognize that my value is from God who tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I recognise that I made in HIS image. I am assured that I am of inestimable value. In fact if you were to price my value, I am simply priceless.

Accept Your Value

When you recognize your value then the next journey is full acceptance of who you are. So that includes accepting your strengths as well as your weakness. When you accept your value you can work on your flaws. What I have come to realize on my journey to accepting my value is that we all have hang ups. There isn’t a person, on this earth that doesn’t feel insecure sometimes. Even if they look like that have it all together, trust me they struggle in some areas but they just focus on their strengths not weaknesses.

Increase Your Value

Once you accept your value then you can start to increase your value. You can increase your value by dedicating your life to doing your best and being excellent. Invest in yourself.  Learn a new skill, read more and give more.  You can also increase your value by improving on the skills that you lack. So for example you may want to be a public speaker so you start reading around and practicing everything you can on public speaking. Sooner or later your increased value and posture will start attracting people your way who will offer you opportunities.

Believe Your Value

When you have recognized your value, accepted your value and increased your value, then you have to believe in your value. You have to believe with all your heart and with your entire mind and with all your soul that are indeed valuable.

The different between accepting your value and believing your value, is that once you believe in your value, you start walking in the power of your belief which includes taking action. You will also present yourself like a person who is valuable by improving your posture, mannerism and attitude.

It’s not enough to find your value and keep it all to yourself. Once you are there, you should dedicate your life to making others feel valuable too. That way everyone benefits. 

Happy International Day of the Girl