FORGIVE THEM FOR PEACE SAKE

I will be honest with you. It’s not easy to forgive. It’s even harder when the person doesn’t seem in the least bit apologetic, but we don’t forgive just for them, we forgive for ourselves. Unforgiveness can cause all sorts of problems including sickness and stress, so for the benefit of you, please forgive. The tips below may help you with your steps towards forgiving others.

Write It Down

When you go through betrayal or disappointment, it’s advisable to write everything down in a journal. You will be surprised at how light you feel if you write it down. You may even want to write a letter to the person that hurt you telling them how you feel. Often you may write a letter but not actually give it to the person. The reason for writing it down is just to get it off your chest.

Talk It Over

Forgiveness can be so difficult, especially if you felt betrayed by a person you really trusted. This happened to Jackie. Noca was her best friend. They went everywhere together. Where ever you saw Jackie, you saw Noca. Jackie confined in Noca about a family secret.  Unfortunately Noca could not keep the secret to herself and eventually the whole class knew about the secret. Jackie was horrified and for years she kept it in and wouldn’t speak to anyone about how badly she was hurting. One day though she broke down and told her Aunty. She felt so betrayed but when her Aunty gave her advice and about how unforgiveness can cause illness, she was finally able to forgive Noca.

Let It Go

Once you have decided to forgive the person, let it go. Don’t talk about the incident again. The more you talk about it, the harder and longer it will take to heal. I know its easier said than done but trust me, don’t talk about it. It is best to bury it and let God deal with the situation.

Most of the time when you forgive a person, you may get back to being friends again but depending on what happened you may need a period of separation. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t want to have the same relationship as before.  But make sure you are not bitter. You would normally have bitterness, if the mere mention of the person’s name makes you upset. You need to forgive.

Nobody Is Perfect

Everybody is going to disappoint us from time to time. It’s just the way human beings are wired. Sometimes you wont even get a good enough explanation. Don’t take the disappointment too personally or worry too much about what you have done or not done to cause the disappointment or betrayal. This will help you forgive quicker. Also know that you are not perfect and you are bound to need forgiveness. So forgive, so that others will forgive you too.

Forgiveness Is A Part Of Life

Recently, I had to forgive someone that really upset me. It was very difficult to do because the person was very rude.  I didn’t tolerate the rudeness but the audacity of their behaviour surprised me.

But I realised that I didn’t really know what was going on in their life that made them behave that way. I was only seeing a snap shot. So I chose to forgive them and immediately I felt lighter. 

Always forgive, for peace sake.

SHINE SHINE

SPEAK UP

There is a saying that states that ‘Girls are to be seen and not heard’. That is so old school. You should speak your mind at any point, especially if you feel your life is threatened or you come across something that is requested that you are not comfortable with doing.

Titi spoke up.  Her uncle was always buying her gifts which she liked at first but she noticed that any time her parents were not in the room, he would try and touch her inappropriately. Titi reported him to her mother and that Uncle was never seen in their house again.

Be Tactful

Think before you speak. When speaking your mind, you don’t always need to say exactly how it is. You have to be careful that you are not putting another person down or making them feel uncomfortable. Hadiza had that problem. She spoke before thinking and normally ended up offending a lot of people. She was cautioned by her mum about this behaviour and soon changed her ways by becoming more tactful.

Be Polite

A girl who has poor manners, normally implies that she was not raised well. You should be polite and remember to say those magic words, “Please, Thank You, Excuse me and Sorry”. Ada mastered the art of being polite which made her very charming. She was raised to be respectful to everyone. Ada went a step further and learnt to say the magic words in about 50 languages.

Express Your Point

When speaking up, express your points in a logical manner, so that others understand. Sometimes there are barriers in communication like noise, but always make sure others understand you, by simply asking for feedback. Suzzy was the team captain and it was important that her team worked together to achieve their goals. The beauty of Suzzy’s leadership was that she always asked others if they had questions. They were able to achieve more than expected because of her style of communication.

Command attention

You can command attention by standing upright, having good eye contact and not looking apologetic. Position yourself correctly and speak like you own your opinion. At only 5 foot, Janet was not a pushover. She was the type of girl who everyone listened to. She didn’t have to shout but her body language and tone of voice suggested that she was very confident and knew what she was talking about.

Listen to others

Even though you should speak up, it is very important to listen to others. This should be done in an active way like agreeing or nodding to show that you are listening. If you listen properly, then you can respond properly and speak up.

Remember you do have rights and what you have to say is just as important as anyone else.

POWER WORDS

Words are powerful. They can either lift you up or bring you down, so choose them wisely.

RAISING CONFIDENT GIRLS AT TPH

Dear Readers,

I hope you had a great Easter Holiday break. I had a fantastic time with girls from This Present House Church The Dome, Lekki, speaking to them about Inner Confidence and offering them practical tips. 

Below is a summary of what I taught.

What is Inner Confidence? It means that you are totally and completely at peace with who you are in every moment, interaction and experience. You make no apologies for being awkward, nervous, excited, loud, soft spoken or other... you are just YOU.

The steps below will help you to increase inner confidence

Self love: You cannot love others unless you love yourself. These are the ways you can love yourself more: Take care of yourself, eat good food, exercise regularly, don’t put self down, accept yourself the way God made you, believe in your abilities, believe what God says about you, be thankful.

Self Knowledge is all to do with how well you know and accept yourself. These are the ways you can understand yourself better:  Reflect on the way you behave, know your strengths and weaknesses, focus on your strengths, practice more at what you are good at.

Clear Goals: People with strong inner confidence have clear goals. They know where they are going. These are the ways you can have clear goals; Have a strong sense of direction, know what you want, ask for what you want, make plans to get there. Make sure your goals are SMART, that is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely.  Example of a Smart Goal - By the end of this term, I want to get A's in all my subjects. 

Positive Thinking: As a person thinks so they become. In order to develop or increase inner confidence your thinking has to be right. These are the ways you can improve positive self talk; Never put yourself down, never say you cant, trust your maker, don’t speak negatively, believe in the best possible outcome.

Scriptures to help with confidence

I am loved with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
• I am the apple of His eye. (Proverbs 7:2)
• My name is engraved in the palm of His hands. (Isaiah 49:16)
• I am carried through every storm. (Mark 4:35-41)
• I am wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
• I am watched over day and night. (Psalm 121:1-8)
• I am forgiven. (1 John 1:9)
• I am rejoiced over with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Link to short video clip of the event at TPH

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFxgvVUuYy4&feature=youtu.be

REJECT, REJECTION BECAUSE YOU ARE VALUABLE

Rejection can cause so much emotional pain to many people. I remember a while ago in the UK, a young Nigerian lady jumped off a balcony and killed herself because of a boyfriend. That was very extreme but she was probably suffering from some kind of rejection. Everyone has been rejected at one point of their life but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. I want to share a few tips on coping that may help you deal with rejection.

Grieve The Loss

Sometimes rejection can be as painful as death. The difference is that the person who may have rejected you is still alive. The fastest way to get over the rejection is the admit it for what it is, have a period of grieving, let go and then bury the memories.

Ayo suffered rejection. She was in a very popular clique at university but suddenly one of the members of the clique decided that Ayo’s time was up and kicked her out of the group. Ayo was distraught especially as she didn’t know what caused the rejection. There was no explanation and she was just told to leave. What made it even more difficult was that as soon as  she was kicked out, all the other members of the clique stopped speaking to her too. Ayo felt all alone. She cried for weeks. 

  

A friend of hers who was not part of the clique came to the rescue and allowed Ayo to pour out all her feelings of the rejection to her. Her friend made her realise that she didn’t have to live for the clique and life had so much more to offer her.

Learn The Lessons

One important lesson that Ayo gained from being rejected from this clique was not to put all her eggs in one basket. She had made the clique her world and had hardly spoken to anyone else in the university. She had to start again by widening her network and being open to making new friends. She also realised that her own company was good enough for her, sometimes.

Don’t Blame Yourself

Ayo spent weeks blaming herself for the rejection. She was looking for reasons why she was kicked out but she couldn’t find any and this made her more depressed. She didn’t realise that the rejection was not about her. It never is. She didn’t realise that one of the members of the clique had her own issues and Ayo was just a scape goat. It took a friend to really sit down and explain that to Ayo before she stopped blaming herself.

Focus On Your Strengths

Once Ayo believed that she wasn’t to blame for being rejected,  she was able to move on and bury the experience. She focused on doing very well at university and building a larger community of friends. She graduated from the university with a first class in Mathematics and is doing very well with her life.

Summary

Rejection in life is inevitable. Everybody will face it at some point but do not take it personally. When rejection comes, just say ‘oh well’ next and move on quickly. You are a valuable girl and you deserve the best. 

STORY TIME

Once upon a time God created this beautiful girl called Katherine. He took his time to create her in HIS own image. Marvelled at her image, Katherine declared, “I will praise you Lord, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made”. There was nothing or nobody that Katherine was afraid of, and neighbours could often hear her chanting, “The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?” Sometimes Katherine would face challenges but she declared, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” 

It was time for Katherine to really walk the walk, because she was entering a new season and boldly she said, “For God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline”. And there she stood 'majestically' in her season of flourish! 

The End

http://majesticallyrare.com/children

FIND YOUR VALUE

I am very passionate about helping girls find and accept their value. Below are some useful suggestions on how to find your value.

Recognise Your Value

How can you know your value if you don’t recognise that you are valuable? That is the question. In order to feel valuable you have to recognise who you are. As a Christian, I recognise that my value is from God who tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I recognise that I made in HIS image. I am assured that I am of inestimable value. In fact if you were to price my value, I am simply priceless.

Accept Your Value

When you recognise your value then the next journey is full acceptance of who you are. So that includes accepting your strengths as well as your weakness. When you accept your value you can work on your flaws. What I have come to realise on my journey to accepting my value is that we all have hang ups. There isn’t a person, on this earth that doesn’t feel insecure sometimes. Even if they look like that have it all together, trust me they struggle in some areas but they just focus on their strengths not weaknesses.

Increase Your Value

Once you accept your value then you can start to increase your value. You can increase your value by dedicating your life to doing your best and being excellent. Invest in yourself.  Learn a new skill, read more and give more.  You can also increase your value by improving on the skills that you lack. So for example you may want to be a public speaker so you start reading around and practising everything you can on public speaking. Sooner or later your increased value and posture will start attracting people your way who will offer you opportunities.

Believe Your Value

When you have recognised your value, accepted your value and increased your value, then you have to believe in your value. You have to believe with all your heart and with your entire mind and with all your soul that are indeed valuable.

The difference between accepting your value and believing your value, is that once you believe in your value, you start walking in the power of your belief which includes taking action. You will also present yourself like a person who is valuable by improving your posture, mannerism and attitude.

It’s not enough to find your value and keep it all to yourself. Once you are there, you should dedicate your life to making others feel valuable too. That way everyone benefits.