MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY VALUABLE READERS

DONT HOLD BACK

Dear Girls, Don’t hold back! Whatever talent you have or whatever gift you have, express it and push it out there. Don’t hold it in. There are so many girls out there that are probably not as talented as you. Their skills are not as good as yours. They can’t sing as good as you. They can’t dance like you do. They cant speak like you do. They cant counsel like you do but they are out there expressing and enjoying their entire being. So this morning I gathered my family and told them not to hold back. The kids are like, “What’s mum on?” and I said the same to my husband and I am saying the same to you all. Don’t make any apologies for who you are and what you have.

Don’t hold back! 

ALL SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS IS TO BE ASSERTIVE

In the last few articles I wrote about the aggressive girl and the passive girl. These are both negative character traits that valuable girls should not display. Ideally every girl who knows her value should be assertive and in this article I will show you how.

SHE SPEAKS OPENLY

An assertive girl speaks openly. She does not have any secrets that are dangerous for her well-being. If anything happens that she is not sure of, she will speak up and ask questions. However, she never interrupts others to get her point across, neither is she afraid to say what is on her mind. She is assertive. Temi is an assertive girl. One of her male teachers tried to make a pass at her. She immediately told him to stop it and if he tried again she would report him to the principal. He did not ever try to touch her gain.

USES A CONVERSATIONAL TONE

An assertive girl uses a tone that commands respect. Her voice tone is neither loud nor quiet but when she is in a room she speaks with a tone that demands respect and attention. Jade is that type of girl. She was in a conversation with two other girls in her sports team who were trying to bully her. She stood up and told them she was not taking any nonsense. They did not attempt to bully Jade again.

SHE'S RELAXED AND OPEN

An assertive girl is so relaxed and open. She has nothing to hide. She is not cagey. She speaks when she thinks it is necessary to speak without feeling weary. She participates in group discussions and is not afraid to voice her opinion in a respectful way. When she speaks she keeps to the point and does not dominate the conversation.

SHE VALUES HERSELF

An assertive girl values herself and knows that she is equal to everyone. From as early as she can remember, she was always taught to respect others but to know that she is just as valuable as anyone else, no matter their status or background. She will not compromise on her values just to please others and she always speaks up when the need arises.

REACHES HER GOALS WITHOUT HURTING OTHERS

An assertive girl will reach her goal without hurting or using others to achieve it. She believes in justice and is appalled by bad behaviour. It is not possible to use and abuse an assertive girl because she knows who she is and cannot be manipulated.

BECOME ASSERTIVE

If you are struggling with being assertive, it is possible to achieve it. You just have to believe that you are a worthwhile person who demands respect. You should remind yourself daily that you are valuable. Learn to say NO. You should always stand up for yourself on matters that you are passionate about or are dangerous to your well being. You will be happier when you do so.

Note to parents and guardians

We need to encourage our daughters to be frank and open. We should not tell them to be quiet when they want to express themselves.  We should teach them to always speak up and not to keep secrets. 

You are Valuable Event Coming soon!

ARE YOU PASSIVE? LETS KICK IT OUT TODAY?

We have not been given a spirit of fear but of power and sound mind, yet many girls don’t believe this for themselves. They don’t stand up and they don’t stand out. They are passive.  A valuable girl should never be passive rather she should stand up and be confident. Listed below are the ways a girl shows herself to be passive and what she can do about it.

AFRAID TO SPEAK UP

The biggest challenge for a passive girl is her inability to stand up for herself and her rights. She misses so many opportunities because she does not stand up. Rather she will allow others to get their way and use her.  Shade was one of these girls. In primary school she was very assertive but when she got to secondary school, she met a group of mean girls and became passive. She soon feel victim to their bullying.

SPEAKS QUIETLY OR SOFTLY

A passive girl does not speak loud enough. She has a soft apologetic tone. She speaks in a low voice because she feels that her opinions don’t count. So rather than be heard properly she speaks under her breath. A girl should speak up on matters that count. She should learn to open her mouth and speak with boldness.

SHOWS LITTLE OR NO EXPRESSION

When you are confident and excited it shows on your face and in your body language. You are happy and full of life. A passive girl shows no expression at all. She is neither happy nor sad rather she is expressionless. In my opinion, she is not living a happy life. She is just a passive observer and missing out on so many opportunities.

ISOLATES HERSELF FROM GROUPS

Unfortunately there are a few girls that have such low self esteem that they isolate themselves from everyone. They have very few friends and they dare not join a group just in case others see how inferior they feel. A passive girl fits this bill. She always chooses to be on her own, not because she enjoys her own company, but because she just doesn’t feel good enough. When she is in a group, she will not give her opinion. All she does is agrees with the group.

VALUES SELF LESS THAN OTHERS

A passive doesn’t value herself. She runs around doing things for others. Seeking approval but never takes care of herself. Titi was such a girl. She came from a broken home and witnessed a lot of violence so she grew up, always wanting to please others and not herself. Luckily for her, she found a mentor that really cared about her wellbeing and helped Titi to change her mindset. Titi was taught to see herself as valuable.

So we can see that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even if you are passive. You just have to believe in yourself and believe that you are equally as valuable as the next girl.

If you have traits of being passive, why not start today by stating this “I AM SOMEBODY”. Say it ten times today and every day for 7 days. Say it like you mean it.  And I can guarantee you, by next week you will feel like SOMEBODY because you are SOMEBODY and because your words carry power.

Note to parents and guardians

It is our responsibility to encourage our girls, especially the ones that have a passive trait. There is nothing wrong with having a quiet nature but when a girl cannot speak up for herself then it becomes a challenge. We need to encourage girls to speak up and say what’s on their mind because they are worth it.

ARROGANCE IS NOT PRETTY

My wish is that every girl that reads this article comes to a true appreciation of herself. My hope is that she will be confident and know that she is very valuable. However, I want girls to know the difference between being confident and being arrogant, because there is a very thin line.

Confidence Verses Arrogance

Confidence means you believe in yourself and your abilities. Arrogance means you put on an offensive display of superiority or self importance or an overbearing show of pride. Both confident and arrogant girls appear outwardly confident but there are signs that set an arrogant girl apart.

An arrogant girl has a very superior sense of self. She feels she is better than everyone. She will be very selective with choosing her friends. She only selects the ones that meet her standards. Some girls who are arrogant may choose not to have any friends thinking that they are just far too special. 

Examples of Arrogant Behaviour

Janet was that type of girl. She was an only child and spoiled by her parents so she had a lot of things others girls didn’t have. She would tease girls who came from lower income homes and she did not want to associate with girls who did not appear rich. Unfortunately, something tragic happened in her family which made her realise that no condition is permanent. She changed her ways and stopped being arrogant.

An arrogant girl carries herself in such a way that she believes she is untouchable. She may appear stuck up and not very friendly. If she is complimented rather than say thank you, she will reply, “I know I am pretty”. Temi’s aunty noticed she was developing this bad trait and immediately brought it up with her mother who hadn’t noticed. Temi was immediately sent to an Etiquette training school to learn some good old fashion manners.

An arrogant girl will rarely apologize for doing anything wrong. She has no faults as far as she is concerned. Everybody is wrong and she is always right. Nneka was such a girl. It was her way or the high way. She kept swapping and changing friends because she just would not listen to anybody. She asked her parents to change school but her problems followed her. Nneka was the one that had a problem with her attitude.

Real Reason for Arrogance 

An arrogant person is often the leader of the bullies and they are always demanding attention.

The real reason that some girls act in an arrogant way is to hide their real feelings of inferiority. Sometimes a girl who tries to give the impression that she is too much is hiding some kind of vulnerability that she is suffering from.

Confident girls don’t have to cause unnecessary attention or drama.  They attract attention, simply by who they are. Arrogance, is a form of insecurity. It is not a trait that a valuable girl should seek. A valuable girl should always be confident. 

Note to Parents! It is never too late for us to guide our daughters in the right way, as long as they are under our care. If we guide them early it will save a lot of heartache for when they are older because nobody really likes to be around an arrogant person.