Let's talk about Molesting!

Molesting is one of those topics that we don't like to talk about in Nigeria but it’s very prevalent in our community and worldwide. It normally happens between adults to children but some bosses are also guilty of molesting their staff. According to the English Dictionary, molesting is the forcing of undesired sexual behaviour by one person upon another.

When I relocated to Nigeria in 2008, I talked frankly to my children about molesting and the tricks that abusers will do in order to satisfy their perversion. I acted out scenarios to draw home the point. My first son in particular found the whole topic very disgusting and disturbing but the issue needed to be addressed.

We need to equip our children with strong information so that their innocence is not cut short. We have to let our children, know that they have the right to refuse a hug from anyone who they feel uncomfortable with. They should say NO to anyone who wants to give them a bad touch. And they should say NO to anyone who wants to touch their private parts.

I have told my children they should run, scream or shout if anyone tries to touch them inappropriately. I also speak to young children in primary schools and at my workshops about this topic.

A molester will try to win trust of the child. This may involve showering a child with money or gifts and give them excessive attention.  This process is called grooming or emotional seduction.  Watch out for anyone that is giving your child unnecessary attention. 

Once they have gained trust they might ask questions like is ''Is it ok to kiss or hug you?'' Once the molestation starts they will tell the child to keep it a secret and threaten violence if the child tells.

According a recent report 1 in 3 children are molested or abused in Nigeria. So parents’ especially busy ones please keep an eye on your children! Let them know that there is no bad secret and encourage them to tell you everything. We as parents should know our children’s teachers, friends and friend’s parents. It surprises me how many parents allow their children to go for sleepovers when they don’t know the parents very well. Keep the communication open - very open!

Shalom

(Inspired from a conference I attended on Child abuse in Nigeria)