You only need to have one discussion with the average 12 year old girl in Nigeria to realise that the pressures they face today are more challenging than what obtained two decades ago. They are bombarded with far more information than we ever were and peer pressure starts much earlier. It’s up to us mums to guide our daughters in the right way, so that when those challenges arise, they will be able to stand up for themselves.
We can start by talking to our daughters about cultivating good friendships. The friendship circles around our daughters can either build or break their confidence. Let’s teach our daughters to stand up for themselves and not to follow the crowd. From my own experience, I know that there are just some girls that you simply should NOT be friends with because anytime you’re around them it brings negativity; don’t be afraid to monitor your daughter’s friendships.
We should teach our daughters good and acceptable behaviour in friendships. We should ensure that they know the qualities of a good friend - honesty, loyalty, dependability, and reliability – so that they do not settle for less in a friendship. We can also tell them that are consequences for not treating others the way we would like to be treated. They will lose decent friendships if they are mean and others will not want to be around them or hang out with them.
Our young daughters also face increased pressure to conform to an artificial standard of beauty. Yes, we want our daughters to look and feel good, but we don’t want them obsessed with their physical appearance. As women, we are bombarded with media images of the perfect beauty and if we make it a big deal to our daughters, we are setting them up for insecurity issues as they grow up. The last thing we want is for them to get into destructive cycles such as bulimia or anorexia because they are trying to look like the girls in the magazines. Our daughters have to be taught by us that they are treasures and they are uniquely created with their own unique DNA. We should encourage them to see themselves as treasures, over and above external beauty.
Although we don’t want our daughters to be obsessed with their outward looks, we should start early to encourage healthy living. We are the best examples. If we eat right and pursue active lifestyles, our daughters will follow our lead. And if we instil these good habits in our daughters early enough, it might save them from poor lifestyle choices in the future. We should also give our daughters chores and teach them to cook. It’s amazing how many young girls in Nigeria can’t make the basic food like rice and stew because cooks and house-helps have served them all their lives.
Finally, be your daughter’s biggest fan. The puberty years are a very delicate stage for girls. Their bodies are changing. Their emotions are changing. Their hormones are changing. Speak words of love to them and give them affirmations to recite. Be their cheerleaders. Even when you need to correct them, do it positively so that it is received with thankfulness rather than discouragement. If your daughters feel they have your blessing and approval, their confidence will soar!
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