DONT HIDE YOUR PAIN

We don’t normally share stories from Raising Confident Girls group, it’s a private group for women but because this story may help others and it’s anonymous, the author has given me permission to share as she said, it may bring healing to other girls. This is her story. 

MY NIGHTMARE

I am from a family of six, three boys and three girls. My parents always loved and cared for us so much. When I was eight my dad took me and my youngest brother who was five to his godfather's (his baptismal father)house. Two nights later I was asleep on the couch with my youngest brother from watching cartoons, he came and took me into his room at first I thought he was taking me into the room to lay me on my bed (like me dad always do). Little did I know that he was taking me into his room to defile me. While defiling me he used his hands to cover my mouth from screaming. This man has a daughter almost my age and another the same age with my brother. His wife travelled to the village to see her people. After defiling me he told me that if I say a word to my parents that he will kill them all. I was in so much pain I was scared to urinate, after the break I came home unlike me again.

BEHAVIOUR CHANGED

I was always fighting with my brothers. I hated my parents for taking us to his house. My stubbornness made my dad angry with me. He took me to stay in my uncle's house
I had a very difficult time relating with the opposite sex. All confidence vanished. I don't participate in classwork, I had no female friends or male friends. In my uncle's house I was treated bad but I never complained. It was better than going home and seeing my parents. I grew far from my siblings. I was caned like a thief with bruises all over my body. I was beaten with a knife, wooden pallet use in turning garri, stoned at with iron spoon but i never complained it was better than going home I said to myself.

MORE CHALLENGES

When I got to my SS3, I met a guy. He was my best friend and on January 2008 he got me pregnant. I hid the pregnancy for five months till my aunt found me out. I got the beating of my life from my uncle. My father came and told me to my face that he wants nothing to do with me. My mum never called to talk to me. She never wanted anything to do with me. My uncle and his wife treated me like a rejected child. On August 22 I bore a son who died prematurely the next day due to lack of attention from the hospital staff.

ADVICE TO PARENTS

Parents should learn from my misfortune. When a child is always angry don't send them away. Have faith in them till you are able to communicate with them again. Be careful about who you give your child to. They might help you in destroying the child's life more.

My guardians were happy the baby died and shipped me to my parents.

LIFE IS CHANGING

That same year I wrote my waec, neco, jamb & postume. That same year I got admission to study masscom in unn. I changed my course to theatre and film studies. From my eight years of age till now am 23 years old I lost confidence and hope in life. I can't find myself no more. Am lost in pain, I dont visit my family and when I do I fight a lot with them and I don't stay more than one week at home.

ROAD TO VICTORY

I have been reading all the posts on Raising Confident Girls group page and it has really helped me deal with so many communication problems and it's is helping to build up my confidence as a woman and also precious being.

I keep telling myself that I AM GOLD, no matter what other people preferred me to be I will always remain GOLD.

EDITOR'S COMMENTS

This story broke my heart but God can change any situation. The young lady is on the road to healing and has been put in touch with other women who have been through this terrible ordeal. Please keep her in your prayers for complete healing.

NEVER DULL YOUR SHINE

Own your space, walk with your head high and dont make apologies for existing. Some people will love you and some will dislike you but its all good as it brings balance. Always be humble and know they you are just as good as the next person. You are made in God's image. You are a valuable gift to the world. 

BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN

One thing great about the world, is that we all come into different skin shades from very fair to very dark. Wouldn’t it be a boring world, if we were all the same skin tone? It saddens me however, when I hear stories of young girls who dont like the complexion they were blessed with because they are dark skin and it also saddens me when they are called names by adults like teachers who should know better. I decided to write this article to appeal to every girl to love her own skin.

Colonial Days

The idea of fair skin being better started from colonial days when the slave master would divide and rule. They informed the lighter skin slaves who were mainly mixed race (having been at most times a product of rape) that they were superior to darker slaves. This colonial mentality of light skin being better does not only affect Africans but also affect Asians. The bleaching industries in both continents are booming because the perceived majority view is that being fair skin for a woman is better.

Does Fair Equal Better?

There is no proof to my knowledge that being light skin will make your life better or happier. Some argue that it open doors faster. Even if that is the case, you still need talent and competence in professional jobs or in business. I can speak for here in Lagos and say that companies want to see increased revenue and profit, not the colour of one’s skin. When I think of successful black women such as Michelle Obama, Oprah, Chimamanda, Genevieve Nnaji,  just to mention a few, they are not all fair skin, which goes to show that you don’t need to be fair skin to be successful.

Health Risks

Many skin lighteners have dangerous chemicals in them and until one under goes a serious operation you may not realise what damage they can cause to the skin. Other risks include skin cancer. From what I have read, if you ever need an operation and you have been bleaching, it can be fatal because of the thinning of the skin caused by using dangerous products.

Seek Inner Confidence

God doesn’t make mistakes and the complexion he gave you wasn’t a mistake. Be comfortable and confident in your own skin. Accept who you are including the colour of your skin. If you have skin problems, seek a specialist to help you but be careful of products that contain dangerous ingredients. There are all types of beautiful girls and women and we all come in different shades.

Advice To Parents

Be cautious of relatives that make insensitive statements about your daughter’s skin tone. Build your daughter’s confidence by affirming her and reminding her of her uniqueness. Dont show disgust if your child’s complexion changes or gets darker. Fathers, give your daughters attention, especially if this is an issue for her. Let her know that she is the apple of God’s eye and the apple of your eye too. Build her self esteem not based on how she looks but who she in Christ.

Finally, from someone who is darker skin, I absolutely love my chocolate skin tone. It is soft and smooth and when I am out and about, it glows in the sun (So I am told lol). It’s advisable to always use sunscreen when in the sun whatever your skin shade. Accept yourself and accept your skin tone and treat it with care.

You are valuable. 

HOW TO BE A BETTER FRIEND

The other day I was meditating on a scripture which says ‘A friend loves at all times’. It made me really start analysing that quote. I wondered if a friend who doesn’t love at all times, was never a friend in the first place. I even went on social media to get responses from my contacts and the exchange was interesting.

On my journey, I realised that a lot of people are in pain because of friendship breakdowns, unmet expectations, disappointments and hurts. On facebook, there is always one post or another about what a friend did and or did not do. One almost wonders if we put too much pressure on friendships. I realised that the only person you can fix is yourself. So here are my tips on being a better friend and I am speaking to myself too as I write because let’s face it , it so easy to point the finger at others.

Accept

The minute you start to try to change someone’s core personality, you will find the beginning of problems in that friendship. The friendships that last the longest are those that are accepting of each other.  We have to accept each other's strengths and  weaknesses. Obviously if someone is doing something intentionally to hurt you, you must address it, but if it’s a personality flaw, you just have to accept it or move on.

Acknowledge

There is a human need to be needed. Everyone needs to feel they are needed. To deliberately ignore a friend is to send a message to the person that you don’t value them. It is quite spiteful to do that to someone you consider a friend. And sooner or later the friend will drop you so fast. It doesn’t matter who calls who first, but do make an attempt to acknowledge someone you call a friend because friendships need to be watered.

Appreciate

Everyone loves to be appreciated. When we appreciate others, we show them that we value them and that their friendship means a lot to us. How can we appreciate others? We can just tell them that we appreciate them. We can do something for them that we know they will love. Nobody likes to be taken for granted, so if there’s one good friend that you haven’t appreciated recently, why don’t you start by telling them you appreciate them.

Assure

Another way to be a better friend is to assure a friend. We do this by keeping to our word and promise. We don’t disappoint. They can trust us in all seasons of life that we will be there for them. 

Affirm

To affirm means to state or confirm. If you truly love a friend you wont play mind games, so if you see that they are doing well, why not affirm them by saying, ‘ I think you did a great job’. You don’t do so because you are forced to, but just because you love them.

The busyness of life can make us self focused but with a little effort we can be a better friend.

PLEASE WATCH

He Is About To Rape A Girl He Met On Facebook. But Watch What Happens 

When Her Parents Show Up!

Be sure to watch until the end, and use what we’ve learned in this video to better educate your friends and family. What was found in this video is shocking and everyone should see.

Please SHARE this video with everyone you know, it could save an innocent life.

http://online.diycreative.us/he-is-about-to-rape-a-girl-he-met-on-facebook-but-watch-what-happens-when-her-parents-show-up/

ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE

Recently I found out that a family friend who lives abroad, passed away suddenly and she was not ill. Unfortunately it leaked through the press that the reason for her death was due to complications from a Brazilian lift curve enhancement operation, which literally means a bum implant.

I was shocked when I heard about her death but I was sadder when I found out that it was due to complications following an enhancement procedure. She was unfortunate and may her soul rest in peace.

Build Inner Confidence

I want to use this platform to appeal to my fellow women and girls to accept the way God made you and for women to be very careful in choosing curve enchancement operations. Most are successful but some do result in death. If you build inner confidence, you wont consider body enhancement operations. You will accept and love the way God made you.

Change Things Naturally

If you think you are bigger than you should be or slimmer, then by all means for your health sake, please take steps to do something about it. It is advisable to maintain a healthy weight but at the same time don’t obsess about it. Just eat less and exercise more if you are overweight. This is easier said than done . It does require disciple and sacrifice but it is achievable.

Celebrate Your Blessings

Instead of worrying about whether you have big buttocks or long legs, why not focus and be grateful for the things that you have been blessed with. Maybe you have thick hair, or long hands and lovely nails, or maybe you have clear skin and you don’t need much make up. I believe that every girl or woman has something special, that is unique to her.

Don’t Sweat

If you look at the culture in places like America where cosmetic surgery is rampant, you find that people are still not content, despite all the money they pay for to have such surgeries. In some cases, some are never satisfied. Once they finish enhancing their stomach, then it’s their nose and then lips. Where does it end? I have seen photos of celebrities that look worse after all their surgeries.

In my opinion, these beauty enhancements like the Brazilian lift, is only a short term fix for underlying insecurity issues. No amount of surgery will make you feel good about yourself if you are not happy on the inside.

Love YOU

My advice is to love yourself from the inside completely. That is where you will find real inner peace and not from altering your body parts.

You are Valuable

VALUABLE YOU SUMMER CAMP HAILED SUCCESS

Majestically Rare teamed up with Teeky Arena & Events to provide a world class summer camp for girls age 10 -13. Valuable YOU Summer Camp was designed to equip girls with tools that will help them value themselves as treasures and present themselves effectively anywhere in the world. The programme was well thought out to give your daughters an experience they will never forget.

Valuable Activities included Essential Leadership Skills, Confidence Building, Money Management, Communication in Action, Global Etiquette, Personal Grooming, Diction, Creative Writing, Hair Care, Public Speaking, Cake Dressing, How to be Charming, Zumba & Salsa Dancing, Healthy Living, Theatre Workshop, Outdoor Sport Games including Tug of War, Fashion show.

Thanks to Eziafa Nwokola, Madame Solange Inengite, Tokunbo Chiedu, Design Essentials, Osarhieme Fola Alade - Sweetheart, Dr Nonye Umeike-Barrow, Debbie Egwuogu-Debbie Grills, Yinka Enahoro -Jewelled Butterflies, Sophia Innih Mbakwe-Green Butterfly Interiors and Emmanuella Onobun for taking time out of your busy schedules to support Valuable YOU.

Thanks to the Guardian Newspaper who allowed us to share our weekly updates in the Valuable YOU Column. 

Thanks to Connect Nigeria for coming out to Film 

Meet the Boss at our summer camp and to all our fans for encouraging and supporting Valuable YOU Summer Camp for Girls 2015.

Finally, Special thanks to our pioneer girls namely Lolia, Anjola, Toluwani, Ethni, Nicole, Evana, Norma, Tyra, Taffy, Tammy, Kelechi, Fope, Adaora, Venetia, Isadora, Ogechi, Diane, Ogechi 2, Keziah and Micaya who passed through this year’s Valuable YOU Camp. 

Here is the link to snippets of the Valuable YOU Summer Camp by Connect Nigeria.

http://connectnigeria.com/cntv/2015/08/09/cntv-meet-the-boss-rita-okoye-ceo-majestically-rare/

A LITTLE BIT MORE COMPASSION

Compassion is a word that brings up a lot of warm feelings to some but others just can’t relate to it at all. We know that our environment is harsh especially for us living in a county like Nigeria but wouldn’t the world be a better place if we were more compassionate?  I have listed below ways in which we can achieve this.

More Empathy

I understand empathy to mean putting myself in someone else’s shoes. It doesn’t mean taking on their issues but it shows another person that I understand what they are going through and care. One of my stewards recently shared with me that her sister died. If I didn’t show compassion, I would have just been in more of hurry for her to clean my house. But I listened and showed concern and empathy about this tragic death. Empathy doesn’t always have to be as extreme as when someone dies. It is just the ability to show that you care.

More Care

How much do we care for others? In a town like Lagos, it is very easy to get bogged down with one’s life and not care about other people. I call it the “Me, Myself and I syndrome”. We can get so bothered about what we are going through that we forget that others maybe going through worst challenges. In order to be more compassionate, we should take our minds off ourselves and find a way to care for others with more pressing needs than our own.

More Sensitive

I think that we can learn to be more sensitive, even if it doesn’t come naturally. Sensitivity shows compassion. We can be slow to speak and ask ourselves if what we want to say will help another person or destroy them. Some people do not think that name calling is destructive but is it. Just watch a person’s spirit go down when you call them stupid, foolish or idiot. Wouldn’t it better to say kind words?

Kind Words

Speaking of kind words, I always say to my three children that if you haven’t got anything kind to say to each don’t say anything at all. That is the rule in my household. We try our best to only say kind words that will lift and build one another. You may say, ‘I will find it difficult’. Yes at first it might be difficult and it takes time to kick off old habits but it is possible if you are deliberate. Try your best to speak only kind words to others. It will increase your compassion.

Charitable

There are so many charities that are screaming out for donations. It doesn’t have to be money. It can be clothes, food or just your time. Giving something is better than nothing. And it helps us to take time off ourselves and think about others.

Let’s try and be a little bit more charitable this week. Let’s try and be a little bit more compassionate.