Raising Confident Girls Movement is One Year Old

Raising Confident Girls (RCG) Facebook group is one year old this week. The founder and CEO of Majestically Rare, Mrs Rita (RiRi) Okoye decided to create this group to support the initiative that was already on the field. It was birthed last year on the 15 September 2014 with only 200 women and today it has over 7500 members. RCG has turned into an incredible movement as a means to share ideas on how to raise girls confidently and tackle the issues they face in the 21st century and my God have they tackled them.  It’s a global movement with most members residing in Lagos, Nigeria.

POWER TEAM

RCG is administered by RiRi Okoye, Ladi Di, Damie Onasanya and Yinka Enahoro. The admin team are deeply committed to providing and sharing valuable information that will help aid girls. Members provide useful recommendations of books, videos and audios. They celebrate successes of girls no matter how big or small. There is also an opportunity for members to promote events for girls.  On Sundays, a scripture from the Word is shared regularly to help build the confidence of girls.  Sometimes, fun competitions take place, like Mother and daughter lookalikes.

DELICATE ISSUES

The movement has had some delicate issues to tackle with, such as abortion, sex, teenage pregnancy, emotional and physical abuse, bullying just to mention a few but thanks to advice from members, lives have been impacted and changed.  Members especially mothers have gained in wisdom on tackling girl issues. A member shared a heart breaking story of how she was molested at 8 years of age by an uncle but how the group has help her open up and share her story. She said, “I have been reading all the posts on Raising Confident Girls group page and it has really helped me deal with so many communication problems and it is helping to build up my confidence as a woman and also a precious being”.

VALUABLE MEMBERS

The movement would not have grown and expanded without member’s posts, contributions and inviting their friends that share the same values. Members regularly give advice to anyone who has a question or concern about raising girls confidently.  Members feel a real sense of belonging in RCG and feel part of a valuable movement. 

There were several outpourings of love on the anniversary day. One member said, “Great fraternising here, it has broadened my mind on what and how raising a girl child means but most especially that I share a lot in common with quite a number. Well done admin. To God be all the glory”. Another member said “Happy anniversary to us I am glad to be part of this group, I am not so good with the group thing because sometimes you will find out that some people are not on the same page with you, but this group these women awesome, we can really make our society and the world a better place if we keep doing this and practising it as well, Kudos all”

ON THE FIELD

Last year RCG organised a themed Christmas party for girls called ‘You are Valuable’ and guest speakers such as Chinyere Anokwuru author of ‘Who Says I can’t’ and Mrs Stephany Nwanmah, founder of Tehla Women Youth Empowerment Foundation, spoke into the lives of girls alongside Rita Okoye.  This year, there are plans for a big summit in Lagos for members of the group and then more events in other countries where members are largely located. Mrs Okoye has a column for the Guardian Newspaper called Valuable YOU and a blog for girls called valuable.bloggerspot.com and says that a lot of her stories are inspired by RCG group discussions.

THE FUTURE

The movement’s vision is to be the Number 1 voice on FB for Raising Confident Girls across the globe. In addition, there are plans to do more work on the field and collaborate with NGO’s and government bodies.

Finally a note from RCG Admin Team - “Our wish for all girls, is that they will stand up, shine, maximise their potential, walk confidently knowing who they are and what they have to offer to the world because each and every one of our girls is a valuable treasure, knitted together ever so beautifully and fearfully and wonderfully made.”

BACK TO SCHOOL, BACK TO REALITY

School has started and for a lot of parents it’s a relief because their children are actually getting back into learning after spending most of the summer playing or relaxing on holiday. Some children are very excited about going to a new class, a new school and having a new teacher but for others it can be a very scary time.

Here are some points that can help as you start your new school.  

Prepare for School

Make sure you have everything ready for school including your maths set, the right footware and any other item you may need. If there’s a school bus that picks you up, be sure to know what time it arrives and what time you are expected home. Your parents will probably have all the information but it is also good to know it too because parents do forget (sometimes).

Remember Landmarks

Starting school can be quite daunting especially if you are new to the school.  Even if you are not new, you will still need to find your new class and your new teacher.  In addition the move from elementary to secondary can be quite scary. Some schools are quite large so you may need to memorize landmarks.

Watch and Observe

It might be a good idea to watch and observe what is going on before you get deeply involved with others. Learn how things are done. If you are new to the school, it may have a different set of rules to what you are use to.

Make Friends

Be friendly and ask other children about themselves. Smile and make conservation. Don’t worry if you don’t make a best friend in the first few weeks, it takes time to get to know others. Remember the golden rule, do unto others as you would like done to you.

Ask Questions

Don’t shy away from asking questions to teachers. If you don’t understand something in class, raise your hand and ask.

Remember that change is always overwhelming but sooner or later you will get use to your new school and the new environment.

Always remember that you are valuable. 

I wish you all the best for the start of the new school season.

Rita Okoye aka RiRi

DONT HIDE YOUR PAIN

We don’t normally share stories from Raising Confident Girls group, it’s a private group for women but because this story may help others and it’s anonymous, the author has given me permission to share as she said, it may bring healing to other girls. This is her story. 

MY NIGHTMARE

I am from a family of six, three boys and three girls. My parents always loved and cared for us so much. When I was eight my dad took me and my youngest brother who was five to his godfather's (his baptismal father)house. Two nights later I was asleep on the couch with my youngest brother from watching cartoons, he came and took me into his room at first I thought he was taking me into the room to lay me on my bed (like me dad always do). Little did I know that he was taking me into his room to defile me. While defiling me he used his hands to cover my mouth from screaming. This man has a daughter almost my age and another the same age with my brother. His wife travelled to the village to see her people. After defiling me he told me that if I say a word to my parents that he will kill them all. I was in so much pain I was scared to urinate, after the break I came home unlike me again.

BEHAVIOUR CHANGED

I was always fighting with my brothers. I hated my parents for taking us to his house. My stubbornness made my dad angry with me. He took me to stay in my uncle's house
I had a very difficult time relating with the opposite sex. All confidence vanished. I don't participate in classwork, I had no female friends or male friends. In my uncle's house I was treated bad but I never complained. It was better than going home and seeing my parents. I grew far from my siblings. I was caned like a thief with bruises all over my body. I was beaten with a knife, wooden pallet use in turning garri, stoned at with iron spoon but i never complained it was better than going home I said to myself.

MORE CHALLENGES

When I got to my SS3, I met a guy. He was my best friend and on January 2008 he got me pregnant. I hid the pregnancy for five months till my aunt found me out. I got the beating of my life from my uncle. My father came and told me to my face that he wants nothing to do with me. My mum never called to talk to me. She never wanted anything to do with me. My uncle and his wife treated me like a rejected child. On August 22 I bore a son who died prematurely the next day due to lack of attention from the hospital staff.

ADVICE TO PARENTS

Parents should learn from my misfortune. When a child is always angry don't send them away. Have faith in them till you are able to communicate with them again. Be careful about who you give your child to. They might help you in destroying the child's life more.

My guardians were happy the baby died and shipped me to my parents.

LIFE IS CHANGING

That same year I wrote my waec, neco, jamb & postume. That same year I got admission to study masscom in unn. I changed my course to theatre and film studies. From my eight years of age till now am 23 years old I lost confidence and hope in life. I can't find myself no more. Am lost in pain, I dont visit my family and when I do I fight a lot with them and I don't stay more than one week at home.

ROAD TO VICTORY

I have been reading all the posts on Raising Confident Girls group page and it has really helped me deal with so many communication problems and it's is helping to build up my confidence as a woman and also precious being.

I keep telling myself that I AM GOLD, no matter what other people preferred me to be I will always remain GOLD.

EDITOR'S COMMENTS

This story broke my heart but God can change any situation. The young lady is on the road to healing and has been put in touch with other women who have been through this terrible ordeal. Please keep her in your prayers for complete healing.

NEVER DULL YOUR SHINE

Own your space, walk with your head high and dont make apologies for existing. Some people will love you and some will dislike you but its all good as it brings balance. Always be humble and know they you are just as good as the next person. You are made in God's image. You are a valuable gift to the world. 

BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN

One thing great about the world, is that we all come into different skin shades from very fair to very dark. Wouldn’t it be a boring world, if we were all the same skin tone? It saddens me however, when I hear stories of young girls who dont like the complexion they were blessed with because they are dark skin and it also saddens me when they are called names by adults like teachers who should know better. I decided to write this article to appeal to every girl to love her own skin.

Colonial Days

The idea of fair skin being better started from colonial days when the slave master would divide and rule. They informed the lighter skin slaves who were mainly mixed race (having been at most times a product of rape) that they were superior to darker slaves. This colonial mentality of light skin being better does not only affect Africans but also affect Asians. The bleaching industries in both continents are booming because the perceived majority view is that being fair skin for a woman is better.

Does Fair Equal Better?

There is no proof to my knowledge that being light skin will make your life better or happier. Some argue that it open doors faster. Even if that is the case, you still need talent and competence in professional jobs or in business. I can speak for here in Lagos and say that companies want to see increased revenue and profit, not the colour of one’s skin. When I think of successful black women such as Michelle Obama, Oprah, Chimamanda, Genevieve Nnaji,  just to mention a few, they are not all fair skin, which goes to show that you don’t need to be fair skin to be successful.

Health Risks

Many skin lighteners have dangerous chemicals in them and until one under goes a serious operation you may not realise what damage they can cause to the skin. Other risks include skin cancer. From what I have read, if you ever need an operation and you have been bleaching, it can be fatal because of the thinning of the skin caused by using dangerous products.

Seek Inner Confidence

God doesn’t make mistakes and the complexion he gave you wasn’t a mistake. Be comfortable and confident in your own skin. Accept who you are including the colour of your skin. If you have skin problems, seek a specialist to help you but be careful of products that contain dangerous ingredients. There are all types of beautiful girls and women and we all come in different shades.

Advice To Parents

Be cautious of relatives that make insensitive statements about your daughter’s skin tone. Build your daughter’s confidence by affirming her and reminding her of her uniqueness. Dont show disgust if your child’s complexion changes or gets darker. Fathers, give your daughters attention, especially if this is an issue for her. Let her know that she is the apple of God’s eye and the apple of your eye too. Build her self esteem not based on how she looks but who she in Christ.

Finally, from someone who is darker skin, I absolutely love my chocolate skin tone. It is soft and smooth and when I am out and about, it glows in the sun (So I am told lol). It’s advisable to always use sunscreen when in the sun whatever your skin shade. Accept yourself and accept your skin tone and treat it with care.

You are valuable. 

HOW TO BE A BETTER FRIEND

The other day I was meditating on a scripture which says ‘A friend loves at all times’. It made me really start analysing that quote. I wondered if a friend who doesn’t love at all times, was never a friend in the first place. I even went on social media to get responses from my contacts and the exchange was interesting.

On my journey, I realised that a lot of people are in pain because of friendship breakdowns, unmet expectations, disappointments and hurts. On facebook, there is always one post or another about what a friend did and or did not do. One almost wonders if we put too much pressure on friendships. I realised that the only person you can fix is yourself. So here are my tips on being a better friend and I am speaking to myself too as I write because let’s face it , it so easy to point the finger at others.

Accept

The minute you start to try to change someone’s core personality, you will find the beginning of problems in that friendship. The friendships that last the longest are those that are accepting of each other.  We have to accept each other's strengths and  weaknesses. Obviously if someone is doing something intentionally to hurt you, you must address it, but if it’s a personality flaw, you just have to accept it or move on.

Acknowledge

There is a human need to be needed. Everyone needs to feel they are needed. To deliberately ignore a friend is to send a message to the person that you don’t value them. It is quite spiteful to do that to someone you consider a friend. And sooner or later the friend will drop you so fast. It doesn’t matter who calls who first, but do make an attempt to acknowledge someone you call a friend because friendships need to be watered.

Appreciate

Everyone loves to be appreciated. When we appreciate others, we show them that we value them and that their friendship means a lot to us. How can we appreciate others? We can just tell them that we appreciate them. We can do something for them that we know they will love. Nobody likes to be taken for granted, so if there’s one good friend that you haven’t appreciated recently, why don’t you start by telling them you appreciate them.

Assure

Another way to be a better friend is to assure a friend. We do this by keeping to our word and promise. We don’t disappoint. They can trust us in all seasons of life that we will be there for them. 

Affirm

To affirm means to state or confirm. If you truly love a friend you wont play mind games, so if you see that they are doing well, why not affirm them by saying, ‘ I think you did a great job’. You don’t do so because you are forced to, but just because you love them.

The busyness of life can make us self focused but with a little effort we can be a better friend.

PLEASE WATCH

He Is About To Rape A Girl He Met On Facebook. But Watch What Happens 

When Her Parents Show Up!

Be sure to watch until the end, and use what we’ve learned in this video to better educate your friends and family. What was found in this video is shocking and everyone should see.

Please SHARE this video with everyone you know, it could save an innocent life.

http://online.diycreative.us/he-is-about-to-rape-a-girl-he-met-on-facebook-but-watch-what-happens-when-her-parents-show-up/