BECOME ASSERTIVE IN 2015

Assertiveness is based on balance. It requires being forthright about your wants and needs while still considering the rights, needs, and wants of others. When you are assertive, you ask for what you want but you don't necessarily get it. But at least you know you have the right to ask.

What is Aggressive behaviour?

Aggressive behaviour on the other hand is based on winning. It requires that you do what is in your own best interest without regard for the rights, needs, feelings or desires of others. When you are aggressive, you take what you want regardless, and you don't usually ask. This is not behaviour to emulate.

Benefits of Being Assertive

Assertive people are better problem solvers. They feel empowered to do whatever it takes to find the best solution. They are less stressed. They know they have personal power and they don't feel threatened or victimized when things don't go as planned or expected. Assertive people are doers. They get things done because they know they can.  Ijeoma was a very assertive girl. She was the prefect of her class. She showed great leadership to her classmates without being a bully.

Improving Assertiveness

In order to improve assertive behaviour, you have to value yourself and know that you have rights. You also need to understand that your rights, thoughts, feelings, needs and desires are just as important as everyone else's. But remember they are not more important than anyone else's, either.

Recognise your rights and protect them. So if you are spoken to or touched inappropriately, you have the right to speak up. Believe you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity at all times. Stop apologizing for everything.

Needs and Wants

Identify your needs and wants, and ask for them to be satisfied. Don't wait for someone to recognize what you need (you might wait forever!)Understand that to perform to your full potential, your needs must be met. Find ways to get your needs met without sacrificing others' needs in the process. Acknowledge that people are responsible for their own behaviour.

Other People’s Behaviour

Don't make the mistake of accepting responsibility for the how people react to your assertive statements (e.g. anger, resentment). You can only control yourself.  Hadiza was a shy girl but during the holidays she met a new friend who showed her how to become more confident and assertive. When she resumed school, some of her friends were not comfortable with the new and improved Hadiza and stopped speaking to her. She didn’t bother with their behaviour and knew that she was not going back to her passive ways.

As long as you are not violating someone else's needs, then you have the right to say or do what you want.

Know Yourself

Learn to say "No" when you need to. Know your limits and what will cause you to feel taken advantage of. Know that you can't do everything or please everyone and learn to be OK with that. Learn to listen to your instincts and go with what is right for you. Suggest an alternative for a win-win solution. Learn to compromise on some matters as long as it doesn’t violate your human rights.