SHINE YOUR LIGHT

How we treat others is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. When we do good to others then it makes our light shine brightly.  I have listed a few tips that can help us.

Be kind

Being kind is one of the easiest things to do but a lot of people struggle in this area. One of the reasons is because we often think about our needs first. Human beings are naturally selfish. How can we be kind? We can treat others in the way that we want to be treated. We can think about other’s needs before our own. We can look at ways to bless other people. We can go out of our way to compliment others.

Be thoughtful

Another way we can shine our light, is to be thoughtful. Think about others. Do we remember people on their birthdays? Do we call people randomly just to ask how they are doing or do we only call them when we want something from that person? There are so many people that are lonely and a quick call from us, could make their day. Start today and think of a few people you should call. You will be surprised at how happy it will make them feel.

Forgive others

Is there someone that needs your forgiveness? We have to forgive others quickly because it hinders a lot of things in our life especially prayers. We have to accept people for their strengths and flaws and look at making peace. If we harbour unforgiveness it only weighs us down and causes us to be bitter and sick. Sometimes people do things to us that are not rational and sometimes we will never understand it but we have to forgive anyway.

Be helpful

There are so many people that need our help. Help is needed in communities, in our churches, in our schools. How can you help someone today? You can visit a motherless home or an old people’s community. You can take a break from your daily routine and just find ways to help others. Why not join a group that’s focuses on helping people. It is better to give than receive.

Speak nicely about others

It’s so easy to speak about negative things in others but the truth is we all have flaws. I always say to my children, "if you haven’t got anything nice to say to each other, don’t say anything at all".

Always look for the good in others.

Tools to Building Self Confidence

Building Self Confidence is all about fixing your belief system by getting rid of the limiting beliefs you have and replacing them with ones that allow you to reach your full potential.  

Why It's Important
It is very important to build self confidence because it gives you freedom to make better choices, you can be yourself, you will be happier, you will find more opportunities and generally have success in all areas of your life.

Why Do People Lack Confidence
Many people lack self confidence, either because they don’t feel good enough, they are afraid of criticism, they under estimate their strengths or they over estimate the strengths of others. The biggest destroyer of building self confidence is fear. 

I was delighted to speak to teens recently about building self confidence. Below are some nuggets that I shared.

Love Yourself

This is the most important ingredient to building self confidence. You have to love yourself, which means accept yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t say negative things. Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friends.  You are a gift to the world and your being here is not by accident.

Gain Knowledge

Knowledge is power. The more you learn, the more confident you will feel about yourself. Discover your strengths and weakness and focus more on your strengths. Leaders are readers, so if you want to gain more knowledge and confidence, then you should aim to read at least one book a month.

Think Positively

As a person thinks so they are. You need to train yourself to think positively. This is not an easy step but it takes discipline. You can start by eliminating words such as “I cant” and replace them with words like “I can”. You will be surprised at how your confidence will increase by just being positive.

Assert Yourself

Everyone deserves an equal place in this world. Nobody is better than anyone. You need to stand up for your rights and have a voice. You should treat others fairly and expect the same back in return. Don’t be aggressive, where you demand your rights at the expense of hurting others. Also don’t be passive where you let others walk all over you. Be balanced and speak up when you need to.

Keep Good Friends

Friends are very critical in building self confidence. They can either lift you up or bring you down so you have to choose wisely. Don’t tolerate friendships that are toxic. This includes behaviour which is controlling, manipulative and destructive.  Stay away from bullies or those with jealous tendencies. Good friendships are normally light and you don’t feel like you are in a battlefield. They are also warm, kind, honest and respectful. Note – It is better to have fewer friends or none at all, than to have lots of friends that make you doubt yourself.

Always remember to love and be yourself and the rest should follow.

Please feel free to leave a comment below and share your experiences of building self confidence.

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OUR WISH LIST ON CHILDREN’S DAY

Children’s day was celebrated recently across the world and I asked some ladies of a movement I belong to called Raising Confident Girls, what one thing they would like changed for more children to be happy? Here are some responses.

A greater sense of hope, faith and strong role models who instil them with insight, awakened sense of spirituality, respect for oneself and a deep understanding of self love.

A sense of pride to make it easier.

That every child will be born and raised in an atmosphere of love, faith and hope.

An appreciation for the natural things in life away from the technological highway (Tv, XBox, Phones and Social Media!) and a deeper sense of self and self worth.

Heightened self confidence.

That every child would have a sibling to play with and be friends with.

For all our children to grow up where all the 'rights of children' are of paramount importance.

Love and more love.

That every child will be loved without discrimination. Because we can give without loving but there's no way we can love without giving. Every child deserves the best.

Bring back the era when kids were kids and not adults as it is obtainable now.

To feel loved, secured and thrive.

A very strong law against child sexual abuse and child molestation.

An environment where every child will feel safe and free without looking over her shoulder.

Quality education in a good environment.

A world where every child's upbringing will be every adult's responsibility. That's communal living.

Improved nutrition for children in orphanages.

A society where every child is equal and free of violence and abuse of power..

The right to a bright future through education.

A world with shelter/housing and food for all children plus protection against child abuse/early marriage for the girl child.

Fear of God, salvation, understanding of eternity and hope.

Hope for future greatness regardless of social background, education, race or religion and protection from future uncertainties and challenges.

A world where children are same from every form of harm - physical, psychological and the ill misuse of social media.

Change television morning and afternoon programmes to include educational and instructive cartoon programmes instead of the almost porn musical videos they show at all times these days.

That every child should have a mum and dad alive raising them in the fear of God.

A world where children would be treated with equality irrespective of tribe, race or colour.

A world where all children will have sufficient to eat and be safe.

LET’S BRING BACK RESPECT

Everyone is complaining. The social order of the world is changing and respect seems to be declining. But that doesn’t have to be the case. When you are a valuable girl, you respect yourself and respect others.

According to the dictionary, respect means a due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others. Let us look at the ways we can respect everybody.

Respect for parents

I was always taught to respect my parents and I am sure that this is true for most people. They have done so much for me and even if they hadn’t, the fact that they are my parents means I should respect them. 

If you are still living at home that means you need to obey their rules. You may not like them, but as far as they pay the bills and it’s their home, then you need to respect them. Another thing you shouldn’t do (no matter how much they annoy you at times) is speak back to them in a rude way.

Respect for teachers

If you are still at school or at some sort of educational institution, then you should respect the teachers who are there to teach you. Many teachers complain that their students just don’t respect them any more. Some students are disruptive in class and others speak back when they are being corrected. 

This has a snowball effect because it then means that all the other students may end up disrespecting the teacher too. Teachers are not perfect and if there is a particular teacher that is causing you any pain or embarrassment, then you do have a right to take it up with the school.

Respect for friends

You should always show respect to your friends. Do not invade their space. Do not dominate conversations. Offer to listen rather than do all the talking. Be respectful and mindful. Don’t throw items at them. Also don’t try and belittle them in front of others. If a friend has told you a secret, don't spread it to others. Do to others, as you would have them do to you.

Respect for your environment

Whether you are at home or in a property you need to be respectful and keep it neat and tidy. Don’t clutter your house with items or leave things lying around. Don’t deliberately break school items or write on schools walls or in public toilet walls. It's really not cool. 

Respect for yourself

They say in order to gain respect you have to start by respecting yourself. So that would include the manner in which you dress and the way you speak. Dress with respect. Speak with authority. Speak with confidence.

I am sure that if we all practice these nuggets then the world will be a better place. 

FRIENDSHIPS THAT LAST A LIFE TIME

Writing about friendships gives me such delight because I love my friends and my friends love me. Well some of them do. (She smiles) 

Females friendships get bad press because half of the time, they are said to be overly competitive, envious and spiteful. In fact, recently a lady informed me that she has never really had a close female friendship. I felt for her because I have experienced the joy of having good female friends. Below is a list of important ingredients that makes a friendship last a lifetime.

Open Communication

Successful relationships are based on honest and open communication. A relationship with a good friend can break down because important issues are swept under the carpet. One day someone may explode, hurtful things are said and the friendship is over. Friendships that last are the ones where you can totally be yourself and you don’t have to mind what you say.

Love Conquers All

A friend loves at all times. The greatest gift of all is love and a friendship that has that essential element can be as close as a blood sister. Some of my closest female friends are like my sisters. We may not speak all the time or see each other but the thing that binds us together is love because love never fails.

Trust Factor

A very important factor in a friendship is trust. Can she trust you to be there through thick and thin? Can she trust your loyalty? A lot of friendships break up when the going gets tough but the ones that are there for each other during the lowest points are the ones that last and are stronger.

Give Her Some Respect

You need to respect your friend’s time, her other relationships (even the ones you don’t approve) and the person that she is. A friendship can break up because of lack of respect and over familiarity.

Acceptance Is Key

Acceptance is what will keep the friendship rolling for years. Friendships that last are the ones that are accepting of each other’s strengths and flaws. The fastest way for a relationship to end is if one person feels like she is being controlled. Nobody likes to be controlled. You have to accept your friend and her decisions. You may not like some of her decisions but it is still her own life.

Valuable Friendships

Successful friendships are based on how you both value each other. How do you value the friendship you may ask? By doing the above: good communication, love, respect, trust, and acceptance. Don’t forget to pray for each other. When you display all of the above, then you are on track for having a friendship that will last a life time.

Finally, a lasting friendship has to be reciprocated. There’s no way a friendship can last if you are both not doing the above for each other.

DRESS FOR RESPECT

This week’s Met Gala awards caused an uproar on a facebook group that I am part of, called Raising Confident Girls. A lot of members were outraged at some of the outfits that female celebrities wore because these are celebrities that their daughters look up to. Has fashion gone too far?

The popular view was that these celebrities are not setting good examples for young girls and that showing too much skin is not a sign of strong inner confidence. Let’s discuss reasons why it is wise for girls to keep their clothes on and not show so much skin.

Respect

People make opinions about you in the first 5 seconds. You can still look fashionable without your clothes looking too skimpy. Chizzy felt pressured by some of her friends because their outfits were getting shorter and shorter but her mum taught her how to respect her body. So despite the pressure she decided not to dress provocatively.

Danger

Unfortunately when you dress in very skimpy clothes you are more likely to get unnecessary attention and if you are alone it can be dangerous. Jackie nearly got herself into trouble because she dressed quite provocatively to a party. She had been out with some friends but didn’t have anyone to drop her home, so she caught the bus. 

By the time she got near her house a few men started chasing her. They wanted to rape her. She ran for her dear life and managed to get home. She was lucky to escape being attacked.

Self worth

Your self-worth is not determined by how tight your dress is or how much flesh you are showing. Your self-worth comes from inside. Wearing skimpy clothes does not actually increase your self-worth. It actually makes one look trashy and unladylike.

Confidence

When you are strong and feel worthy inside, then you do not have to resort to displaying all your body parts for everyone to see. Inner confidence comes from inside of you and how deeply you know and accept yourself. You don’t need to wear skimpy clothes to feel confident.

Finally, as a valuable girl, you are rare just like a diamond. Diamonds are not displayed everywhere for all to see. And so as a precious girl your body is a temple. You can still be fashionable but all body parts shouldn’t be on display for all to see because you are far too valuable.